1 00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:30,291 BONES CONWAY: Well, uh, here's lookin' at you, pilgrim. 2 00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:33,250 So, Jack, this is good. 3 00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:35,458 JACK KAUFMAN: What are we gonna do tonight? 4 00:00:35,458 --> 00:00:37,250 BONES: Oh, you know what? I was gonna ask you. What? 5 00:00:37,250 --> 00:00:39,583 JACK: Can Gabriella hook me up with her, uh... 6 00:00:39,583 --> 00:00:41,417 BONES: Oh, you know what? She's got this new friend 7 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,125 she met the other day at the mall. 8 00:00:43,125 --> 00:00:45,125 Her name is Rosa. JACK: Yeah? Hook me up. 9 00:00:45,125 --> 00:00:48,709 Yeah, she's Spanish. Espanol. JACK: Hook me up. Si, si, senor. 10 00:00:48,709 --> 00:00:50,792 BONES: But the only thing... Wow, watch out for that. 11 00:00:50,792 --> 00:00:54,625 BONES: The only thing is, Rosa, she's kind of dumb. She's kinda... 12 00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:57,333 Watch out for the water! Water, water! Ahh! 13 00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:02,000 Whoa! 14 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,709 She's kinda like, she's kinda like large. 15 00:01:04,709 --> 00:01:06,291 JACK: That's good for me. 16 00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:08,125 Bones, look out! You're gonna get killed, right there. 17 00:01:08,125 --> 00:01:11,000 BONES: If it's too hot for ya, son, get outta the kitchen. 18 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,959 This is war. No room for the faint of heart. 19 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:16,959 When you're in the heat of battle, and you lean down 20 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,083 and put your hand in a puddle of goo, 21 00:01:19,083 --> 00:01:21,667 that two seconds before was your friend's face, 22 00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:25,333 that is war, son, now that is war! 23 00:01:25,333 --> 00:01:29,458 This right here? Well, this is just a game. 24 00:01:29,458 --> 00:01:31,500 Look at this road right here. See that? Hop it. 25 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:34,000 BONES: Yeah. Boom! Watch this. You're doin' great. 26 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,500 That's nice. See how I just blew all those guys? 27 00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:37,834 Look. Now there's the thing. 28 00:01:37,834 --> 00:01:39,333 Look up! Look up! Look up! 29 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,041 No, on the... Oh. 30 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,333 VOICE: Game over. You are dead. 31 00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:46,041 Shouldn't we get back to work? 32 00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:48,417 I'm working. Look, I'm testing out new products. 33 00:01:48,417 --> 00:01:50,166 What are you so paranoid for, anyways? 34 00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:51,709 Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store. 35 00:01:51,709 --> 00:01:54,500 Look, Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place. 36 00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:57,166 Do you think I'm scared of that... What is he? 37 00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:58,250 He looks like a Lurch. 38 00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,000 "Hey, I'm Quinn." 39 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,875 Are you afraid of him? No. 40 00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:04,166 Bones? 41 00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,834 Quinn's lookin' for you. 42 00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,041 I told him you were playin' video games. 43 00:02:08,041 --> 00:02:10,083 Hold this, okay? I gotta do somethin'. 44 00:02:10,083 --> 00:02:13,375 Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh? 45 00:02:39,041 --> 00:02:42,792 This is all for you. See all the money I'm savin'? 46 00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:45,166 Wow, Quinn, look at you! You're lookin' fantastic! 47 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,750 Is that a new suit? It's got to be Armani. 48 00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,542 Oh, it's J.C. Penney. 49 00:02:51,542 --> 00:02:53,542 At least you wear it well. 50 00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:55,083 Is that Brut I smell? 51 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,792 What did we say about leaving the sales floor? 52 00:02:57,792 --> 00:02:59,583 You told me not to, and I won't. 53 00:02:59,583 --> 00:03:02,667 If this place catches fire, I'm sellin' tape decks to the firemen. 54 00:03:02,667 --> 00:03:05,083 You're not selling anything to anybody! 55 00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:07,333 That's why we're letting you go. Where? 56 00:03:07,333 --> 00:03:10,166 Home. No, no, no, no, Quinn. Hey, hey, you can't fire me. 57 00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:13,291 C'mon! I'm a Crazy Boy! I'm a dedicated Crazy Boy. 58 00:03:13,291 --> 00:03:15,583 Bones, let's not drag this out. 59 00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:17,500 Look, Quinn, hey look. C'mon. Please. 60 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:18,750 I mean, my rent's due. 61 00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:21,250 My mom, she needs another tummy tuck. Please. Come on... 62 00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:23,083 No, Bones. No, not this time. 63 00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:24,917 Please, there's a lot of personal... 64 00:03:24,917 --> 00:03:26,083 Please don't let me... 65 00:03:26,083 --> 00:03:28,417 Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be crazier. 66 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,041 Let go of my leg! 67 00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:31,792 I could be totally insane! 68 00:03:33,625 --> 00:03:37,333 Bones, let go of my leg. WOMAN: Bones, you have a customer waiting. 69 00:03:37,333 --> 00:03:41,083 You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer, 70 00:03:41,083 --> 00:03:43,583 a customer who evidently asked for me by name. 71 00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:50,458 Hi! May I help you, miss? 72 00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:53,208 Yes. You sold me this Watchman last week, 73 00:03:53,208 --> 00:03:55,000 and, uh, I'm afraid I have to return it. 74 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,458 See, I knew you'd be returning it. 75 00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:58,625 It's too small. It'll ruin your eyesight. 76 00:03:58,625 --> 00:04:01,500 And besides, I could tell the one you really want is this one. 77 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,500 This is our top-of-the-line. 78 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:07,750 Our very best 35" projection stereo color monitor, 79 00:04:07,750 --> 00:04:10,083 with advanced super-digital P-in-P. 80 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,667 I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range. 81 00:04:12,667 --> 00:04:14,834 Not with our $200 rebate, no money down, 82 00:04:14,834 --> 00:04:17,500 ten-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan. 83 00:04:17,500 --> 00:04:20,625 You ask yourself, "How could it be?" Right? 84 00:04:20,625 --> 00:04:24,667 ♪ Because-a we're-a Crazy Boys! ♪ 85 00:04:24,667 --> 00:04:26,333 Sorry, they make us do that. 86 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:28,583 That's a very nice offer, but this is just a... 87 00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:31,166 Plus this screen, though, it promotes good eyesight. 88 00:04:31,917 --> 00:04:33,166 Really? Uh-huh. 89 00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:36,000 Four out of five optometrists recommend it. 90 00:04:37,417 --> 00:04:39,875 Okay, I'll take it. 91 00:04:39,875 --> 00:04:41,417 BONES: Okay, fantastic. Here you go. 92 00:04:41,417 --> 00:04:43,250 I'm gonna take this to the cashier, 93 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,959 and I'm gonna arrange everything. 94 00:04:44,959 --> 00:04:46,291 Thank you very much. 95 00:04:46,291 --> 00:04:48,834 WOMAN: ...you're needed for a carryout. 96 00:04:48,834 --> 00:04:50,834 Huh? 97 00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:55,208 Hmm? C'mon. Am I not still a Crazy Boy? 98 00:04:57,125 --> 00:05:00,333 That is Brut I smell, you pervert. 99 00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:05,500 Bones! 100 00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,542 C'mon. 101 00:05:07,542 --> 00:05:10,375 BONES: Shh. Coming. 102 00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,083 NEWSCASTER: Friends of both parties... 103 00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:15,375 Have been making frequent appearances at the courthouse all day... 104 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,917 Gabriella, you were outstanding. 105 00:05:17,917 --> 00:05:19,875 Yeah, right. This is the last time 106 00:05:19,875 --> 00:05:21,959 I save your butt, okay? 107 00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:24,041 I work too, you know. I know. It was an emergency. 108 00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:25,542 The guy was about to fire me. 109 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:26,875 It's always an emergency. 110 00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:30,917 They better take that TV back. They're gonna take it back. 111 00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:35,250 Now, how 'bout just giving your little Italian sausage man 112 00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:38,208 a little kissy-pooh? 113 00:05:38,208 --> 00:05:40,291 NEWSCASTER: The U.S. has issued strong warnings... 114 00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:44,458 GABRIELLA: You are so irresponsible! 115 00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:47,208 Can't you be serious for one minute? 116 00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:50,959 BONES: Okay, I'll be serious. Let's get naked. 117 00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,417 GABRIELLA: Not now! Not here! 118 00:05:53,417 --> 00:05:55,083 Why? Don't you love me anymore? 119 00:05:55,083 --> 00:05:57,750 GABRIELLA: Yes. Yes. Of course I love you. 120 00:05:57,750 --> 00:06:01,291 Yeah, but look, your boss is gonna catch us. Come on, a little... 121 00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:05,083 I don't care about that perverted fatso in a J.C. Penney suit. 122 00:06:05,750 --> 00:06:07,959 Bones! 123 00:06:07,959 --> 00:06:10,250 BONES: Jack, turn it off! Turn it off! 124 00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:11,625 Turn it off! 125 00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:22,291 Well, uh... 126 00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:30,625 I can't believe he actually fired us. 127 00:06:30,625 --> 00:06:33,333 Oh, come on, Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets. 128 00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:35,333 Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties? 129 00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:37,250 I'm sorry, man. You know, I didn't realize 130 00:06:37,250 --> 00:06:38,959 Quinn could see you in all of those TVs. 131 00:06:38,959 --> 00:06:40,792 No problemo, my friend. 132 00:06:40,792 --> 00:06:43,375 I was sick of gettin' down on my knees for that guy, anyway. 133 00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:46,792 Whoa! Bones, I had no idea. 134 00:06:46,792 --> 00:06:48,208 Begging for my job. 135 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,250 I know. I know. 136 00:06:50,250 --> 00:06:52,083 You know what, Jack? This is amazing. You know what this does? 137 00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:54,667 Yeah. This brings us one step closer 138 00:06:54,667 --> 00:06:56,875 to the store. 139 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:59,333 No, no, no. What this does is it brings us one step closer 140 00:06:59,333 --> 00:07:00,959 to living in the dumpster. 141 00:07:00,959 --> 00:07:05,333 How are we gonna get rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment? 142 00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:07,166 Excuse me. Can we play through? 143 00:07:07,166 --> 00:07:09,166 Yeah. 144 00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,333 Sorry, we were just discussing... 145 00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:16,333 Hey! Oh, my God! 146 00:07:16,333 --> 00:07:17,667 Army! 147 00:07:17,667 --> 00:07:20,458 Navy! Air Force! Marines! 148 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,875 No. 149 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:25,667 Did you order a code red? Answer me! 150 00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:27,625 Did you order a code red, man? 151 00:07:27,625 --> 00:07:31,333 You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. 152 00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:33,375 Yay! He's goofin' off. 153 00:07:33,375 --> 00:07:34,959 C'mon, Bones. 154 00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:37,333 Wow, that was my Nicholson impression. JACK: Good. 155 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:42,208 I do it sometimes when I play golf. 156 00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:45,125 Bones, c'mon, man! I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry. 157 00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:48,333 When you join the Army, is it true you have to give your whole life away? 158 00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:51,041 Nah. It's nothin' like that with us. We're in the Reserves. 159 00:07:51,792 --> 00:07:53,709 What's that? 160 00:07:53,709 --> 00:07:55,542 Let's just get this straight here. 161 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:56,750 After our basic training, 162 00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:59,625 we owe you two weeks a year and one weekend a month 163 00:07:59,625 --> 00:08:01,500 for which we get paid. 164 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:07,500 And on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up? 165 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:08,583 Basically, yes. 166 00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:13,083 Wow! Then how come everybody isn't in the Reserves? 167 00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:15,709 Do people actually know about this stuff? 168 00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:18,625 Well, we do try to advertise. 169 00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:21,709 Oh, yeah. Um, "It's not a job, it's an adventure." 170 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,750 No, that's the Navy. 171 00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:26,959 "The few and the proud?" No, that's the Marines. 172 00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:29,417 Hmm. "Keep going, going and gone?" 173 00:08:29,417 --> 00:08:33,333 No, no. That's the, um, Energizer bunny. Gentlemen. 174 00:08:33,333 --> 00:08:35,083 We're, "Be all you can be." 175 00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:36,250 Yeah. 176 00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:38,792 ♪ In the Army 177 00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:40,917 You need us, and we need you. 178 00:08:40,917 --> 00:08:42,041 It's a win-win situation. 179 00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:46,083 I got one more question. Could I get a pen? 180 00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:48,417 Oh, no. Actually, could we just have a second... 181 00:08:48,417 --> 00:08:51,083 Uh, amongst ourselves? Certainly. 182 00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:52,583 Take all the time you need. 183 00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:54,417 Just hold that ballpoint. 184 00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,834 Just one... JACK: Come here. 185 00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:02,417 This is insane! "Why doesn't everybody join?" 186 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,000 Weren't you listening to him in there? 187 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,542 Shh. 188 00:09:05,542 --> 00:09:08,291 It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us. 189 00:09:08,291 --> 00:09:11,333 Oh, my God. You're going nuts. We are the beneficiaries. 190 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,625 We get a guaranteed check for eight years, 191 00:09:13,625 --> 00:09:15,166 and a special skill. 192 00:09:15,166 --> 00:09:16,709 A special skill? Yeah, yeah. 193 00:09:16,709 --> 00:09:18,750 Look at the pamphlets. Yeah, here we go. 194 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:22,333 "Land Combat Missile Op?" Opportunities! 195 00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:24,417 "Tactical Fire Specialist?" 196 00:09:24,417 --> 00:09:26,458 You heard him talkin' about combat pay, right? 197 00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,667 You know, you have to be in combat to get paid for that, right? 198 00:09:29,667 --> 00:09:33,500 He said Reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict. 199 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,125 When was the last war, huh? Yeah! 200 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,333 World War II? 201 00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:38,083 No! Twenty years ago. 202 00:09:38,083 --> 00:09:40,125 Have you ever heard of Vietnam, huh? 203 00:09:40,125 --> 00:09:43,291 Desert Storm? No? No. Uh-uh. 204 00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:46,166 What? I'm kidding. Gimme the brochure. 205 00:09:46,166 --> 00:09:48,750 We're gonna go to the Unemployment Office. No, just let me see it. 206 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:52,792 Let me just check. "Tank Turret Repair, Land Mining Specialist." 207 00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:56,333 "Water purification?" Water purification! 208 00:09:57,041 --> 00:09:58,542 That's it. What? 209 00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:01,041 Water purification. I'm telling you, it's a snap. 210 00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:02,667 My brother's a pool man. 211 00:10:02,667 --> 00:10:06,125 Hey, look, you take dirty water and you make it clean. 212 00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,166 How hard can that be? I don't know. 213 00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,834 And, hey, if there is a war, what are we gonna go in there with? 214 00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:13,333 Water balloons? 215 00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,375 That's... I mean... But, but... Jack. 216 00:10:15,375 --> 00:10:18,458 Yeah? This is for our future, okay? 217 00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:22,000 If we can sign up now, we get a guaranteed check for $2,500. 218 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,834 If you times that times two... Wow! 219 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,542 That's $6,000. That's nice. 220 00:10:29,542 --> 00:10:31,875 I know. Yeah. It's a nice chunk of change. Huh? 221 00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,542 But, hey. 222 00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:35,083 This is for our store. 223 00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:40,166 Yeah. Look, I'll even give you first billing. 224 00:10:40,166 --> 00:10:41,417 No, you don't have to do that. No, no, no. 225 00:10:41,417 --> 00:10:46,250 "Jack's and Bones' Palace of Stereos." Oh... 226 00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:48,709 Let's just do it. All right. All right. all right. Let's do it. 227 00:10:48,709 --> 00:10:51,375 Oh, yes! 228 00:10:51,375 --> 00:10:55,417 ♪ Get a haircut and get a real job 229 00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:59,000 ♪ Clean your act up and don't be a slob 230 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,208 ♪ Get it together like your big brother Bob 231 00:11:02,208 --> 00:11:07,208 ♪ Why don't you get a haircut and get a real job 232 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:11,125 ♪ I need to try that 9:00 to 5:00 scene 233 00:11:11,125 --> 00:11:14,875 ♪ I told myself that it was all a bad dream 234 00:11:14,875 --> 00:11:18,291 ♪ I found a band and some good songs to play ♪ 235 00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:21,750 Hi. Um... 236 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:26,917 See, everybody knows me for my hair. 237 00:11:28,750 --> 00:11:30,583 What I need you to do is just, 238 00:11:30,583 --> 00:11:32,125 just a little bit on the side. 239 00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,250 Not a whole bunch. Kinda keep it like it's still... 240 00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:37,417 I'd like to see you in something short but sassy. 241 00:11:37,417 --> 00:11:38,917 A real '90s look. 242 00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:41,125 Something that works as well on the rifle range as it does in the disco. 243 00:11:42,417 --> 00:11:43,875 Okay. That's perfect. 244 00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:49,583 ♪ Get a haircut and get a real job ♪ 245 00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:51,792 MAN: All right. 246 00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:04,875 Does my head... 247 00:12:04,875 --> 00:12:06,792 I mean, look at it. I don't know. Yeah. 248 00:12:06,792 --> 00:12:09,291 Does it look bigger than it did... 249 00:12:09,291 --> 00:12:11,959 I mean, do I look like a baked potato? Honestly? 250 00:12:11,959 --> 00:12:15,458 Yeah, honestly. It... It looks great. It really does. 251 00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:17,792 Really! Really? Really! 252 00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:19,959 It looks macho. 253 00:12:19,959 --> 00:12:21,291 All right! 254 00:12:21,291 --> 00:12:23,625 Look at these, man. Look at these. 255 00:12:23,625 --> 00:12:27,166 Army issued. See, I think those are unique. 256 00:12:27,166 --> 00:12:29,083 Idiotic! No, those are unique. 257 00:12:29,083 --> 00:12:31,667 See, you're distinctive. No one has them. Really? 258 00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,792 You're king. One of a kind. All right! 259 00:12:34,792 --> 00:12:38,166 They broke the mold when they made you, Jack. 260 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:58,333 JACK: Bones, I can't... I can't do it! 261 00:12:58,333 --> 00:13:01,333 Jack, come on. I can't do it, man! I can't do it. 262 00:13:01,333 --> 00:13:03,875 This is just like your childhood, remember? 263 00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:08,000 Yeah, yeah. You're right, you're right. 264 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,000 That guy is exactly like my dad. 265 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,667 See? Come on! 266 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:14,000 Wait a minute, though! My childhood sucked! 267 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,375 No, I can't do it, man. I can't... 268 00:13:15,375 --> 00:13:19,709 I can't handle being yelled at by some muscle-bound drill sergeant. 269 00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:22,208 No, man. I can't do it. 270 00:13:22,208 --> 00:13:24,041 Get the hell off the truck! 271 00:13:26,875 --> 00:13:28,875 Oh, whoa. 272 00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,875 She can drill me anytime. 273 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:33,041 On the double, right now! Come on! 274 00:13:33,041 --> 00:13:36,208 Move it! Move it! Hello, Sweet Pants. 275 00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:38,375 Get down here! Get down! 276 00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:40,375 Oh, rough stuff. Hi. 277 00:13:40,375 --> 00:13:41,917 And take those glasses off! 278 00:13:41,917 --> 00:13:44,166 What'd you think? You're on some beach or somethin'? No. 279 00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:45,417 What's your name, Private? 280 00:13:45,417 --> 00:13:48,250 Bones Conway, reportin' for duty, sir! 281 00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:49,583 All right! 282 00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:51,542 I mean, ma'am, sergeant, whatever. 283 00:13:51,542 --> 00:13:54,709 You will address me as Drill Sergeant. 284 00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:58,750 Do you understand? 285 00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:01,709 Yes, but you don't need to yell, 'cause look, I'm standing right here. 286 00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,417 I'm not yellin' at you, Private. 287 00:14:03,417 --> 00:14:05,083 Drill sergeants do not yell. 288 00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:06,709 We simply speak in a voice loud enough 289 00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:07,875 so everyone can hear. 290 00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:11,250 That way we all learn from each other's mistakes. 291 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:13,417 Oh, okay. Thanks for explaining it. 292 00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:16,583 From here on out, your butt is mine. 293 00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:19,417 You will obey every order 294 00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:21,917 without question! 295 00:14:21,917 --> 00:14:23,417 Grunt! 296 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:28,083 Oh, you're a funny boy, huh? 297 00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:29,417 Cutie pie, right? 298 00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,417 Well, I don't know ya, but I don't even like ya. 299 00:14:31,417 --> 00:14:33,083 And I make it my personal mission 300 00:14:33,083 --> 00:14:34,500 to turn you into a soldier. 301 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:35,917 For the next eight weeks, 302 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:39,083 I'll be all over your butt like white on rice! 303 00:14:40,166 --> 00:14:41,458 Is that a promise? 304 00:14:43,417 --> 00:14:45,458 Give me 20! 305 00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:49,041 Well, my wallet... Here, hold these. Drop and give me 20! 306 00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:52,166 Boy, you better get on the ground and give me them push-ups. 307 00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:54,333 It's been a while. 308 00:14:55,291 --> 00:14:57,667 All the way up and down, right? 309 00:14:57,667 --> 00:14:59,583 Pump! Pump. 310 00:14:59,583 --> 00:15:02,959 One! 311 00:15:02,959 --> 00:15:04,250 Is that good? 312 00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:14,625 Get up! Get up! 313 00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:18,333 Everybody up! 314 00:15:20,333 --> 00:15:24,500 On your feet. Off the racks right now, sleepin' beauties. 315 00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,875 Get your butt off that rack. 316 00:15:39,375 --> 00:15:41,333 Ow! Ow! Ow! 317 00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,375 Get up! I'm up. I'm up. 318 00:15:44,375 --> 00:15:46,291 I'm up! 319 00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:48,333 Extend to the left! 320 00:15:48,333 --> 00:15:50,166 ALL: Extend to the left! 321 00:15:50,166 --> 00:15:51,792 Forward! 322 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,291 All right, Privates, on command begin like the last drills. 323 00:15:59,291 --> 00:16:02,083 Run in place. When I say go. Go! 324 00:16:13,458 --> 00:16:15,083 Jack? Yeah? 325 00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:19,125 Where'd the sun go? 326 00:16:19,125 --> 00:16:20,875 There is no sun anymore, Bones. 327 00:16:22,125 --> 00:16:23,875 The sun is gone. 328 00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:27,166 We died, and this is hell. 329 00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:29,083 Oh, okay. Thanks for explaining it. 330 00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,041 Private, you've got that weapon around backwards. 331 00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,542 Oh. Thanks. 332 00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,792 LADD: See the picture on the front of this weapon? BONES: Mmm-hmm. 333 00:16:54,417 --> 00:16:57,750 It's put there for Privates like you. 334 00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,417 It's idiot proof. 335 00:17:02,542 --> 00:17:07,250 Seven, Drill Sergeant! 336 00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:10,250 The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt, 337 00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:13,583 through the edge of your belt buckle, down the seam of your zipper. 338 00:17:13,583 --> 00:17:15,959 This is a straight gig line. 339 00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:17,792 See it, 340 00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:19,041 learn it, 341 00:17:19,583 --> 00:17:20,792 do it. 342 00:17:26,583 --> 00:17:29,792 From here on out, anyone without a straight gig line 343 00:17:29,792 --> 00:17:31,458 will have to answer to me. 344 00:17:35,792 --> 00:17:39,458 Conway, what the hell is this? 345 00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:43,125 Drill Sergeant, I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh? 346 00:17:45,959 --> 00:17:48,083 Ah! 347 00:17:49,959 --> 00:17:51,250 Oh! 348 00:17:52,125 --> 00:17:53,750 Thank you, Drill Sergeant! 349 00:17:53,750 --> 00:17:56,125 Don't thank me. Thank your recruiter. 350 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,500 Come on, boy! Come on! You can't do it! 351 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,750 I know you can't do it! 352 00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:11,333 There are two types of bayonet fighters, the quick and the dead. 353 00:18:11,333 --> 00:18:12,500 What are you? ALL: Quick! 354 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:13,625 What are they? Dead! 355 00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:14,792 What are you? Quick! 356 00:18:14,792 --> 00:18:16,000 What are they? Dead! 357 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,166 What are you? Quick! 358 00:18:17,166 --> 00:18:18,291 What are they? Dead! 359 00:18:18,291 --> 00:18:20,542 Any volunteers? BONES: Yeah! 360 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,583 What are you, crazy? I sure am. 361 00:18:23,583 --> 00:18:26,333 I'm a crazy boy! 362 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,166 Hello! 363 00:18:29,166 --> 00:18:30,875 LADD: Conway. Yes, ma'am. 364 00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:33,500 Come here. I'm on my way. 365 00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,208 Mmm. 366 00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:39,125 Hi. Hit me. 367 00:18:39,125 --> 00:18:41,333 Let's not fight. Come here. 368 00:18:41,333 --> 00:18:43,458 Hit me or you'll be sorry! 369 00:18:43,458 --> 00:18:45,375 I can't hit you. You're a girl. 370 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,834 And... 371 00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,959 I love you. 372 00:18:49,959 --> 00:18:53,000 You got two seconds to hit me. 373 00:18:56,333 --> 00:18:59,709 Okay, but this is gonna hurt. Any other volunteer? 374 00:19:00,709 --> 00:19:02,417 ALL: Oh! 375 00:19:02,417 --> 00:19:05,417 Oh, shit! I'm sorry. I was just gonna... 376 00:19:05,417 --> 00:19:08,542 I'm gonna teach you a lesson. 377 00:19:08,542 --> 00:19:10,041 Never... 378 00:19:10,041 --> 00:19:12,208 Drop... 379 00:19:13,375 --> 00:19:15,250 Your guard. 380 00:19:16,917 --> 00:19:20,166 Got it! 381 00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:23,542 Can I please throw up now? 382 00:19:23,542 --> 00:19:27,041 Get up! Pump! Get mad. 383 00:19:27,041 --> 00:19:29,625 Yeah, you get mad, you! Get mad! Thirty-eight, Drill Sergeant! 384 00:19:29,625 --> 00:19:31,583 Now, listen to me very carefully, Private. 385 00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:33,458 This is exactly the same as practice, 386 00:19:33,458 --> 00:19:35,208 but this is a real, live grenade. 387 00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:37,250 I want you to do exactly as you've been trained. 388 00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:38,750 Yes, Drill Sergeant. 389 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:40,417 When I give the command to execute, 390 00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:42,583 I want you to drop the pin, throw the grenade. 391 00:19:42,583 --> 00:19:43,792 Yes, Drill Sergeant. 392 00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:45,583 Drop the pin, throw the grenade. 393 00:19:45,583 --> 00:19:46,750 Yes, Drill Sergeant. 394 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,041 Execute. 395 00:19:52,250 --> 00:19:54,083 Move it! 396 00:19:59,291 --> 00:20:01,875 BONES: Help! Help! 397 00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:08,375 Thanks, Drill Sergeant. You saved my life. 398 00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,417 I owe you one. 399 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:13,291 No, you owe me 50. 400 00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:24,542 Fifty! 401 00:20:24,542 --> 00:20:27,417 ♪ Mama, mama can't you see 402 00:20:27,417 --> 00:20:29,792 ALL: ♪ Mama, mama can't you see 403 00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:32,625 ♪ Drill Sergeant Ladd made a man outta me 404 00:20:32,625 --> 00:20:35,625 ♪ Drill Sergeant Ladd made a man outta me ♪ 405 00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,291 OFFICER 2: And that I will obey the orders 406 00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:39,792 of the President of the United States. 407 00:20:39,792 --> 00:20:43,750 ALL: And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States. 408 00:20:43,750 --> 00:20:47,000 And the orders of the officers appointed over me. 409 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:50,291 ALL: And the orders of the officers appointed over me. 410 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:52,375 According to regulations... 411 00:20:52,375 --> 00:20:54,125 ALL: According to regulations... 412 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:57,000 And the uniform code of military justice. 413 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,500 ALL: And the uniform code of military justice. 414 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,041 So help me God. 415 00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:03,333 So help me God. 416 00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:05,667 You look great! Nice to meet you. Bye. 417 00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:08,208 Be good. Take care. Bye. 418 00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:11,333 Ah, it's the uniforms, man! I know. 419 00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:13,500 LADD: Private Conway! 420 00:21:17,333 --> 00:21:20,000 Never thought I'd say this, but I think I've done the impossible... 421 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:21,667 I've turned you into soldiers. 422 00:21:21,667 --> 00:21:23,333 BOTH: Thank you, Drill Sergeant. 423 00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,125 Carry on. 424 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:39,375 Uh, is this, uh, unit 341? That's us, soldier. 425 00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,875 Hey, Bones Conway, here. This is my partner Jack. 426 00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:43,208 Hi. Christine. 427 00:21:43,208 --> 00:21:46,041 Nice to meet you. Looks like we'll be working together. Good. 428 00:21:46,041 --> 00:21:49,000 Christine, a la G.I. Jane, right? 429 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,458 What brings a pretty little lady like you to water purification? 430 00:21:52,709 --> 00:21:55,208 I wanted infantry, but until they ax that crap 431 00:21:55,208 --> 00:21:57,250 about women not being allowed in combat, 432 00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,542 I'll just have to settle for kickin' your little butt. 433 00:21:59,542 --> 00:22:01,041 Oh! 434 00:22:01,041 --> 00:22:03,709 That would be nice. 435 00:22:03,709 --> 00:22:06,375 Feisty one, huh? I like that. 436 00:22:07,208 --> 00:22:08,750 Shut up. 437 00:22:12,709 --> 00:22:15,291 I'm gonna have to kill your friend. 438 00:22:15,291 --> 00:22:17,250 Hey, Bones Conway. 439 00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:19,917 Hey, Fred Ostroff. Good to meet you. 440 00:22:19,917 --> 00:22:22,917 You okay, Fred? Oh, man, I'm fine. 441 00:22:22,917 --> 00:22:23,959 Thanks. Thank you. 442 00:22:26,375 --> 00:22:29,083 So, uh, what do you do when you don't purify water? 443 00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:32,750 Well, I'm goin' into my final year of dental school. 444 00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:35,583 Wow. Now that is great. 445 00:22:35,583 --> 00:22:37,583 No, it's not. Why? 446 00:22:37,583 --> 00:22:40,417 Did you know that dentists are more feared 447 00:22:40,417 --> 00:22:43,041 and loathed than any other profession? 448 00:22:43,041 --> 00:22:44,083 That's including lawyers. 449 00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:46,750 No. See, I don't think people hate dentists. 450 00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:49,208 It's just the sound of that drill. 451 00:22:49,208 --> 00:22:50,750 Yeah. And then they stick that sucking thing 452 00:22:50,750 --> 00:22:52,750 in the back of your mouth like this. 453 00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:55,250 And the nurse says, "I'll be right back." 454 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:57,959 Then they jam those cardboard x-ray things. 455 00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,667 And then they... 456 00:22:59,667 --> 00:23:03,291 And you know when there's... you have a cavity, they take that pointy thing and they... 457 00:23:03,291 --> 00:23:06,208 All right? 458 00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:09,166 The nurse leaves, and she goes to lunch. 459 00:23:09,166 --> 00:23:11,291 And she jams it back there, right? 460 00:23:11,291 --> 00:23:14,625 Meanwhile, there is a lead apron, right, on the thing, 461 00:23:14,625 --> 00:23:18,458 and you're sitting there like... 462 00:23:18,458 --> 00:23:22,125 Can somebody... Help me? 463 00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:24,667 See, see? That's what I'm talkin' about. 464 00:23:24,667 --> 00:23:26,500 If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. 465 00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:28,500 Oh, no, no, no. It's good. We should talk about it, 466 00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:31,792 'cause my therapist said that I need to get it out. 467 00:23:31,792 --> 00:23:33,500 Kinda like an emotional enema. 468 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,166 So we talked about it and said, 469 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,959 "Why not join the Army Reserve?" 470 00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:40,667 "Be all that you can be..." On the weekends. 471 00:23:41,667 --> 00:23:43,291 Yeah. Yeah. 472 00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:48,041 Maybe it'd help me to face those things in my life that I'm most afraid of. 473 00:23:48,041 --> 00:23:49,667 And what are you afraid of? 474 00:23:49,667 --> 00:23:51,417 Uh... 475 00:23:51,417 --> 00:23:55,333 Well, I'd have to say, uh, damn near everything. 476 00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:57,834 Floss? Hey! 477 00:23:57,834 --> 00:23:59,166 Keep it. 478 00:24:03,166 --> 00:24:05,000 Good morning. 479 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,458 INSTRUCTION OFFICER: Purifying our water is one of the most vital operations 480 00:24:07,458 --> 00:24:09,000 in the military. 481 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,834 It is absolutely vital 482 00:24:10,834 --> 00:24:13,875 that you know your equipment inside and out. 483 00:24:20,917 --> 00:24:24,583 Two soldiers must man the hose at all times. 484 00:24:24,583 --> 00:24:26,834 This is for your own safety, people. 485 00:24:26,834 --> 00:24:27,750 Okay! 486 00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:31,000 Never lose control of your hose. 487 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,583 Turn it off! 488 00:24:33,583 --> 00:24:34,875 Turn it off! 489 00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:42,375 INSTRUCTION OFFICER: After careful training, you will be able to produce 490 00:24:42,375 --> 00:24:45,583 potable water from the most disgusting, swampy, 491 00:24:45,583 --> 00:24:49,709 parasite-infected, diseased water. Hey, guys! 492 00:24:49,709 --> 00:24:53,208 Look. It's our first glass of purified water. 493 00:24:53,208 --> 00:24:54,417 All right! 494 00:24:55,750 --> 00:24:58,041 Go for it, man. Try it. 495 00:24:58,041 --> 00:25:00,041 Nah, I'm not gonna try. 496 00:25:00,041 --> 00:25:03,750 Here, you try it. I'm not gonna try it. 497 00:25:03,750 --> 00:25:05,083 We should get Christine. 498 00:25:05,083 --> 00:25:08,041 BOTH: Yeah! She'll taste anything. 499 00:25:11,709 --> 00:25:14,166 I'm not gonna try it. 500 00:25:14,166 --> 00:25:15,917 Oh, let's get Freddy. 501 00:25:15,917 --> 00:25:17,750 BONES: Okay. CHRISTINE: Oh, Freddy! 502 00:25:17,750 --> 00:25:19,917 No, thanks. I'm allergic. It'll make me break out. 503 00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:24,542 ALL: Well, then, who's gonna try it? 504 00:25:41,750 --> 00:25:43,250 Who's the leader of this outfit? 505 00:25:43,250 --> 00:25:46,291 ALL: He is. 506 00:25:46,291 --> 00:25:51,250 Son, I've been doin' this for a long time, and I gotta say, 507 00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:55,125 this is the best damn glass of purified water I ever had. 508 00:25:55,125 --> 00:25:57,125 Congratulations! 509 00:25:57,125 --> 00:25:59,959 Keep this up, and I'll be puttin' you in for Private First Class. 510 00:25:59,959 --> 00:26:01,917 BONES: Thank you, Sergeant. 511 00:26:01,917 --> 00:26:05,333 But I could not have done it without the inspirational guidance 512 00:26:05,333 --> 00:26:07,250 of my brother, the pool man! 513 00:26:14,750 --> 00:26:16,125 Be right back, honey. 514 00:26:17,458 --> 00:26:19,625 Excuse me. 515 00:26:19,625 --> 00:26:21,250 Better go freshen up. 516 00:26:24,333 --> 00:26:27,667 You're not gonna follow me into the bathroom, Bones. 517 00:26:27,667 --> 00:26:31,458 No, come on. Bye. Oh, baby. 518 00:26:31,458 --> 00:26:35,166 Speak-a French and Italiano. 519 00:26:35,166 --> 00:26:39,000 ♪ Baby, baby, let's get together 520 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,959 ♪ Honey, honey, me and you 521 00:26:42,959 --> 00:26:46,792 ♪ And do the things, ah, do the things 522 00:26:48,291 --> 00:26:51,166 ♪ That we like to do 523 00:26:51,166 --> 00:26:55,166 ♪ Oh, do a little dance, make a little love ♪ 524 00:26:55,166 --> 00:26:57,375 Bones! 525 00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,291 Put your clothes back on. 526 00:27:03,291 --> 00:27:05,000 Come on. He hasn't seen you in eight weeks. 527 00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:10,500 Yeah! 528 00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:12,875 Honey! Look what I did for you. The Army did this. 529 00:27:12,875 --> 00:27:15,041 You look buff. I know. 530 00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:16,542 Did you miss me? Of course I did. 531 00:27:18,709 --> 00:27:19,875 Uh, oh... 532 00:27:22,750 --> 00:27:25,750 Honey, wait, wait. Hold it here a second. Listen, hey! 533 00:27:25,750 --> 00:27:27,041 We're in the middle of a party. 534 00:27:27,041 --> 00:27:29,208 Your friends might come in. That'd be cool. 535 00:27:29,208 --> 00:27:30,917 I don't think. I think it's very rude 536 00:27:30,917 --> 00:27:33,375 if we stay here more than a couple minutes. 537 00:27:33,375 --> 00:27:34,875 Two minutes? That's perfect. Uh-huh. 538 00:27:34,875 --> 00:27:36,291 I look to be cuddled afterwards. 539 00:27:36,291 --> 00:27:37,542 Mmm. 540 00:27:40,667 --> 00:27:42,709 Hold that thought. 541 00:27:42,709 --> 00:27:45,917 Somebody better be dead. Hello. 542 00:27:45,917 --> 00:27:48,250 MAN: This is an official message. 543 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:53,166 I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south. 544 00:27:53,166 --> 00:27:56,750 I say again, the geese are migrating south. 545 00:27:56,750 --> 00:28:00,625 Yeah? Well, uh, my goose is about to lay a golden egg. 546 00:28:00,625 --> 00:28:04,291 So, you're gonna have to cruise the south solo, okay? Have a nice flight. 547 00:28:04,291 --> 00:28:06,583 Who was it? Someone who's into birds. 548 00:28:06,583 --> 00:28:08,750 What? I don't know. Caw, caw! 549 00:28:14,041 --> 00:28:17,375 Look, you saw the goose. I'm the walrus and Paul is dead. 550 00:28:17,375 --> 00:28:20,000 And I'm tryin' to bury my beak here, so give it a rest! 551 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,917 All right, that's it. 552 00:28:34,792 --> 00:28:36,125 Jack! 553 00:28:36,125 --> 00:28:38,458 BONES: Get the phone. Who is it? 554 00:28:38,458 --> 00:28:41,041 It's a freak calling about wild geese migrating. 555 00:28:41,041 --> 00:28:42,500 Hello. Bones! 556 00:28:45,625 --> 00:28:49,792 What... No, just don't. Christine, don't. Look. 557 00:28:49,792 --> 00:28:50,959 Which way? 558 00:28:50,959 --> 00:28:52,000 Who cares? 559 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:53,291 North or south? 560 00:28:53,291 --> 00:28:55,000 South. 561 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,417 Yes! Yes, yes! 562 00:28:57,417 --> 00:28:59,792 What? 563 00:28:59,792 --> 00:29:01,667 You guys, don't you remember? 564 00:29:01,667 --> 00:29:04,000 About the code? 565 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,625 So that if we got called up for active duty then we would know it was for real. 566 00:29:06,625 --> 00:29:10,083 It's gotta be a mistake. It's gotta be Chad. 567 00:29:10,083 --> 00:29:12,667 Hello, Mama? It's Frederick. 568 00:29:13,625 --> 00:29:15,834 Uh, you sittin' down? 569 00:29:15,834 --> 00:29:19,375 Chad is an African country, the one that Libya's about to invade. 570 00:29:19,375 --> 00:29:21,458 Uh, turn off the music. 571 00:29:24,041 --> 00:29:25,458 Do you remember when you told me 572 00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:27,667 that every Black man should visit the motherland? 573 00:29:27,667 --> 00:29:31,125 Bones, why do you think I chose water purification? 574 00:29:31,125 --> 00:29:33,583 Mmm, is your brother a pool man? No. 575 00:29:33,583 --> 00:29:36,417 It's because Chad is in a desert. 576 00:29:36,417 --> 00:29:38,834 And water purification is the Reserve occupation 577 00:29:38,834 --> 00:29:41,667 most likely to be called up if there's a desert war. 578 00:29:41,667 --> 00:29:44,291 And there's a desert war, and we're going! 579 00:29:45,834 --> 00:29:47,792 Mmm. That's it, Bones. I'm gonna kill you. 580 00:29:47,792 --> 00:29:49,500 You gotta relax here. 581 00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:51,333 Okay? I'm gonna get us outta this one. 582 00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:54,041 Trust me. 583 00:30:04,208 --> 00:30:06,000 At ease. 584 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,834 Sir, I know we're going to Chad, 585 00:30:08,834 --> 00:30:11,375 but there's something you need to know about Jack and I 586 00:30:11,375 --> 00:30:12,375 before we go, sir. 587 00:30:12,834 --> 00:30:13,625 Yes? 588 00:30:15,041 --> 00:30:19,750 Uh, Bones and I are very close friends. 589 00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:24,875 Very. Oh, I see. 590 00:30:24,875 --> 00:30:28,417 In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad. 591 00:30:31,834 --> 00:30:33,500 Sorry to disappoint you, sir. 592 00:30:37,250 --> 00:30:38,709 Uh, just one thing. 593 00:30:40,709 --> 00:30:42,625 Mmm-hmm. Anything. 594 00:30:43,750 --> 00:30:44,750 Kiss 'im. 595 00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:48,083 'Scuse me? 596 00:30:48,083 --> 00:30:49,917 Kiss your friend. 597 00:30:49,917 --> 00:30:52,208 You don't have a problem with that now, do ya? 598 00:30:54,208 --> 00:30:55,917 Oh, no. Uh-uh. 599 00:30:55,917 --> 00:30:57,750 He kisses me every day. 600 00:31:15,625 --> 00:31:17,083 Just do it. 601 00:31:22,834 --> 00:31:25,792 Oh, shit. Is it hot in Chad? 602 00:31:25,792 --> 00:31:28,458 As the Libyan raids against U.N. forces 603 00:31:28,458 --> 00:31:30,125 near the border continue, 604 00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:32,291 this U.S. force is being readied 605 00:31:32,291 --> 00:31:33,750 to deter the invasion 606 00:31:33,750 --> 00:31:35,333 threatened by the Libyan leader 607 00:31:35,333 --> 00:31:38,375 in his television broadcast last night. 608 00:31:38,375 --> 00:31:40,333 As the buildup here continues, 609 00:31:40,333 --> 00:31:43,291 the first Army Reserve units arrived here today. 610 00:31:43,291 --> 00:31:45,875 These units will aid in the supply... Hello, Mama. 611 00:31:45,875 --> 00:31:48,333 ...and logistical support of the growing U.S. presence here. 612 00:31:48,333 --> 00:31:51,792 These troops are in high spirits, and the morale is high. 613 00:31:51,792 --> 00:31:53,917 And their hopes are high that this mission... All right, soldiers, let's go! 614 00:31:53,917 --> 00:31:56,458 ...will remain a peaceful one. 615 00:31:56,458 --> 00:31:59,709 Reporting live from Chad for Worldwide News Report, 616 00:31:59,709 --> 00:32:01,667 this is Stu Krieger. 617 00:32:18,375 --> 00:32:21,000 I am First Sergeant Brandon T. Williams. 618 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:23,792 It is my intention to run this company like a clock. 619 00:32:23,792 --> 00:32:27,834 If one gear slips in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. 620 00:32:27,834 --> 00:32:31,500 If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. 621 00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:34,291 First Sergeant Williams likes his clock to tell the right time. 622 00:32:34,291 --> 00:32:36,000 Do you understand me? 623 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,083 ALL: Yes, First Sergeant! 624 00:32:38,083 --> 00:32:39,583 What did he just say? 625 00:32:39,583 --> 00:32:41,542 I don't know. Something about his clock being broken. 626 00:32:44,542 --> 00:32:46,667 Have my words fallen upon deaf ears? 627 00:32:46,667 --> 00:32:50,667 Yes, Sergeant! I mean, no, Sergeant. 628 00:32:50,667 --> 00:32:52,417 Don't you know I'm your First Sergeant? 629 00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:57,375 Well, actually, I wish you were my First Sergeant, 630 00:32:57,375 --> 00:32:59,709 but I already had a couple ones already. 631 00:33:01,125 --> 00:33:03,375 Drop and give me push-ups! 632 00:33:03,375 --> 00:33:05,083 You will continue to do push-ups 633 00:33:05,083 --> 00:33:07,041 until you learn to address me as First Sergeant, 634 00:33:07,041 --> 00:33:08,208 is that clear? 635 00:33:08,208 --> 00:33:10,375 Yes, First Sergeant! Count off! 636 00:33:10,375 --> 00:33:13,000 One, First Sergeant. Two, First Sergeant. 637 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:15,542 Three, First Sergeant. Four, First Sergeant. 638 00:33:15,542 --> 00:33:18,208 Five, First Sergeant. Six, First Sergeant. Don't eyeball me. 639 00:33:18,208 --> 00:33:23,000 Seven, First Sergeant. Eight, First Sergeant. Nine, First Sergeant. 640 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:27,750 10, First Sergeant. 11, First Sergeant. 12, First Sergeant. 641 00:33:27,750 --> 00:33:31,417 13, First Sergeant. 14, First Sergeant. 642 00:33:31,417 --> 00:33:34,291 123, First Sergeant. 124, First Sergeant. 643 00:33:34,291 --> 00:33:37,709 125, First Sergeant. That's enough. On your feet! 644 00:33:37,709 --> 00:33:39,875 Son, I bet you did a lot of push-ups 645 00:33:39,875 --> 00:33:41,333 when you were in basic training, didn't you? 646 00:33:41,333 --> 00:33:44,458 Yes, First Sergeant. Well, you just did your last push-up, soldier. 647 00:33:44,458 --> 00:33:46,083 I will never ask you to do another. 648 00:33:46,083 --> 00:33:47,417 Thank you, First Sergeant. 649 00:33:47,417 --> 00:33:49,750 You just graduated to peelin' potatoes. 650 00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:53,417 BONES: 6,543, First Sergeant. 651 00:33:53,417 --> 00:33:57,500 6,544, First Sergeant. 652 00:33:57,500 --> 00:34:02,250 Oh, First Sergeant. 6,545, First Sergeant. Ooh. 653 00:34:02,250 --> 00:34:05,625 Six thousand, one... 600,000, 654 00:34:05,625 --> 00:34:08,458 5,452, First Sergeant. 655 00:34:09,458 --> 00:34:11,542 Shit, I lost count. 656 00:34:11,542 --> 00:34:13,625 BONES: Wait, we got it! We got it! We got it! Look! 657 00:34:15,375 --> 00:34:16,625 CHRISTINE: That's my butt! 658 00:34:16,625 --> 00:34:20,041 JACK: Good one, Bones. 659 00:34:20,041 --> 00:34:22,500 MAN: ♪ Kumbaya ♪ CHRISTINE: Stop it! 660 00:34:31,458 --> 00:34:34,458 Oh, cool, look. Hey. 661 00:34:34,458 --> 00:34:35,959 It's a sunroof. 662 00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:56,500 Oh, look. 663 00:34:56,500 --> 00:34:59,583 Gabriella tucked a little note into my duffel bag. 664 00:34:59,583 --> 00:35:01,959 JACK: Aw! BONES: Yeah. 665 00:35:01,959 --> 00:35:07,000 "Dear Bones, by the time you read this I will already be..." 666 00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:12,125 What? "I will already be in Milan with Guido." 667 00:35:13,291 --> 00:35:17,166 Oh, she dumped ya. Sorry, Bones. 668 00:35:17,166 --> 00:35:19,000 I must say, this guy sounds really nice. 669 00:35:19,000 --> 00:35:21,166 He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea. 670 00:35:21,166 --> 00:35:22,542 Jack, don't rub it in. 671 00:35:22,542 --> 00:35:24,500 No, no. You're better off. 672 00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:28,208 She's a horrible speller. There's only one "S" in loser. Look at that. 673 00:35:28,208 --> 00:35:31,041 And, "Immaturish"? I don't even think that's a word. 674 00:35:31,041 --> 00:35:34,875 Gabriella, she... She broke my heart. 675 00:35:34,875 --> 00:35:36,208 Sorry. 676 00:35:36,208 --> 00:35:39,041 Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long. 677 00:35:39,041 --> 00:35:41,583 I'll take that. 678 00:35:41,583 --> 00:35:43,375 Mmm. 679 00:35:43,375 --> 00:35:45,208 Uh, would you mind turning the light off please, Jack? 680 00:35:45,875 --> 00:35:46,917 Oh, yeah. 681 00:35:46,917 --> 00:35:51,041 Fred, you checked your bag for scorpions. Right? 682 00:35:51,041 --> 00:35:52,583 For scorpions? 683 00:35:52,583 --> 00:35:54,250 He's messing with you, Fred. 684 00:35:54,250 --> 00:35:55,667 JACK: No, I'm not. 685 00:35:55,667 --> 00:35:58,625 Chad is the scorpion capital of the world. 686 00:35:58,625 --> 00:36:01,834 Yep, Fred. They're big ones too. 'Bout as big as my fist. 687 00:36:01,834 --> 00:36:04,208 JACK: They outnumber people two to one. 688 00:36:04,208 --> 00:36:06,709 And that margin grows with every sting. 689 00:36:08,041 --> 00:36:09,917 So, have a good sleep, Fred. 690 00:36:09,917 --> 00:36:12,083 Good night, everybody. Good night, Bones. 691 00:36:12,083 --> 00:36:13,542 Night, Sue Ellen. 692 00:36:13,542 --> 00:36:15,875 SUE: Night, John Boy. 693 00:36:15,875 --> 00:36:17,250 Scorpions! 694 00:36:18,625 --> 00:36:20,375 Yeah, right. 695 00:36:28,792 --> 00:36:30,917 I got one. I got one! 696 00:36:30,917 --> 00:36:33,041 I got one. I got one! 697 00:36:33,041 --> 00:36:35,333 I got one. I got one! 698 00:36:35,333 --> 00:36:39,250 I got one. I got one! 699 00:36:39,250 --> 00:36:43,125 I got one. I got one! 700 00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:46,417 Very funny! 701 00:36:46,417 --> 00:36:49,709 We're just tryin' to help ya get over your fears, Fred, really. 702 00:36:49,709 --> 00:36:52,250 Fred, don't worry about it. You come sleep with me. 703 00:36:52,250 --> 00:36:55,959 I'd rather take my chances with the scorpion, thank you. 704 00:36:58,875 --> 00:37:01,083 God, I hate this. 705 00:37:01,083 --> 00:37:03,834 It's not that bad. It's like camp. 706 00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:09,125 ♪ John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 707 00:37:09,125 --> 00:37:11,959 ♪ That's my name too ♪ That's my name too 708 00:37:11,959 --> 00:37:15,417 ♪ Whenever we go out the people always shout 709 00:37:15,417 --> 00:37:18,333 ♪ There's goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 710 00:37:18,333 --> 00:37:20,125 ♪ Da, da, da, da 711 00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:23,542 ♪ John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt 712 00:37:23,542 --> 00:37:27,083 BONES: Come on! ♪ That's my name too ♪ 713 00:37:27,083 --> 00:37:29,291 Shut up! 714 00:37:57,750 --> 00:37:59,667 Don't eat the chicken. 715 00:37:59,667 --> 00:38:02,875 Man, it tastes just like frog. Are you... Can I... 716 00:38:02,875 --> 00:38:04,709 Thanks. Enjoy. 717 00:38:10,709 --> 00:38:12,333 STERN: Ready! Go! 718 00:38:16,166 --> 00:38:17,375 Who are they? 719 00:38:18,208 --> 00:38:20,875 Special Forces. Mmm. 720 00:38:23,542 --> 00:38:25,417 14.11 seconds. 721 00:38:25,417 --> 00:38:27,542 Damn! Try it again. 722 00:38:29,291 --> 00:38:31,709 SOLDIER: Go! He's incredible. 723 00:38:31,709 --> 00:38:33,083 Time me. 724 00:38:35,041 --> 00:38:36,166 All right. 725 00:38:37,875 --> 00:38:39,375 Go! 726 00:38:39,375 --> 00:38:41,208 Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! 727 00:38:41,875 --> 00:38:43,375 Shoo! Shoo! 728 00:38:43,375 --> 00:38:45,041 Shoo! Shoo! 729 00:38:50,208 --> 00:38:51,542 Where'd it hit? Oh, that's not good. 730 00:38:51,542 --> 00:38:53,375 What happened? That is not good. 731 00:39:00,667 --> 00:39:02,875 JACK: Oh, great. He's comin' over. 732 00:39:02,875 --> 00:39:04,625 Just... Just don't look at 'im. 733 00:39:06,041 --> 00:39:07,375 You lose somethin'? 734 00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:10,583 Yeah, thanks. 735 00:39:12,375 --> 00:39:14,250 You put it in my lasagna. 736 00:39:14,250 --> 00:39:16,083 You better call 911, get an ambulance, 737 00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:17,417 find a doctor, order a toe tag... 738 00:39:17,417 --> 00:39:18,834 ...'cause I'm gonna tear off your head 739 00:39:18,834 --> 00:39:20,875 and spit it down your neck, you understand me, boy? 740 00:39:21,750 --> 00:39:23,250 Huh? 741 00:39:23,250 --> 00:39:24,583 Hey! Hey! 742 00:39:26,083 --> 00:39:30,250 You have to relax a little. Take it easy. 743 00:39:30,250 --> 00:39:34,083 We're in the middle of a war, and we're on the same side. 744 00:39:34,083 --> 00:39:35,083 MAN: Yeah, dude. 745 00:39:37,250 --> 00:39:42,458 Would America have won the Civil War 746 00:39:42,458 --> 00:39:45,792 if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt? 747 00:39:45,792 --> 00:39:48,041 SOLDIER: Right on! BONES: A little knowledge. 748 00:39:48,041 --> 00:39:50,125 A little knowledge to parter. 749 00:39:50,125 --> 00:39:53,083 Hmm? Go ahead, man. 750 00:39:53,083 --> 00:39:56,417 If our soldiers, our American soldiers, 751 00:39:56,417 --> 00:39:59,625 acted like this in Desert Storm... 752 00:39:59,625 --> 00:40:02,166 Saddam Hussein would still be running Iraq. 753 00:40:02,166 --> 00:40:04,000 SOLDIER: Uh, what? 754 00:40:05,458 --> 00:40:06,709 Excuse me. 755 00:40:09,125 --> 00:40:12,291 So maybe we're a bunch of Reservists fresh off the plane, right? 756 00:40:12,291 --> 00:40:14,959 It's obvious. But you regular guys, 757 00:40:14,959 --> 00:40:18,291 you've been here so long that your brains are fried! 758 00:40:18,291 --> 00:40:22,208 So I guess, what I'm really trying to say is... 759 00:40:22,208 --> 00:40:24,333 SOLDIER 2: Come on, genius, spit it out. 760 00:40:25,709 --> 00:40:28,166 That doesn't mean we all can't be friends... 761 00:40:28,917 --> 00:40:30,458 Please. 762 00:40:30,458 --> 00:40:32,458 There's only one problem with you newbies. 763 00:40:32,458 --> 00:40:33,750 SOLDIER 3: Tell him the truth man. 764 00:40:33,750 --> 00:40:35,625 You don't eat enough. 765 00:40:35,625 --> 00:40:36,834 No, that's, that's... 766 00:40:39,166 --> 00:40:40,667 OFFICER: Attention! 767 00:40:53,625 --> 00:40:55,000 As you were. 768 00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:03,166 Son, 769 00:41:03,166 --> 00:41:05,291 I bet the Mess Sergeant could use a volunteer 770 00:41:05,291 --> 00:41:06,750 to peel potatoes. 771 00:41:06,750 --> 00:41:08,083 Yes, sir! 772 00:41:08,083 --> 00:41:09,542 Can we count on you? 773 00:41:09,542 --> 00:41:11,041 Yes, sir. 774 00:41:11,041 --> 00:41:14,041 Carry on. 775 00:41:14,041 --> 00:41:17,041 I happen to know, on this base, there's not one unpeeled potato. 776 00:41:32,291 --> 00:41:34,208 I heard the, uh, Libyans are already backing down, 777 00:41:34,208 --> 00:41:35,709 and we're gonna be outta here in two weeks. 778 00:41:35,709 --> 00:41:36,750 Yeah? 779 00:41:36,750 --> 00:41:39,208 Well, I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops, 780 00:41:39,208 --> 00:41:41,375 and we're gonna be here 'til Christmas. 781 00:41:42,417 --> 00:41:44,375 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hey! Wait! 782 00:41:44,375 --> 00:41:45,583 Where you goin'? 783 00:41:46,834 --> 00:41:48,583 It's not like I got bad breath. 784 00:41:54,083 --> 00:41:55,250 Help. 785 00:41:56,750 --> 00:42:00,417 And until they comply with U.N. resolution 991, 786 00:42:00,417 --> 00:42:02,750 I don't think anybody's goin' anywhere. 787 00:42:02,750 --> 00:42:04,959 Uh, you're amazing, Christine. 788 00:42:04,959 --> 00:42:07,125 How do you keep up with all that stuff? 789 00:42:09,750 --> 00:42:11,083 Christine? 790 00:42:12,041 --> 00:42:13,250 Christine? 791 00:42:16,542 --> 00:42:18,083 All right, quit screwin' around. 792 00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:23,750 Chris, send some water with this mud! 793 00:42:29,959 --> 00:42:31,291 Chris! 794 00:42:35,166 --> 00:42:36,458 Jack? 795 00:42:38,959 --> 00:42:40,125 You... 796 00:42:41,333 --> 00:42:43,792 Fred? 797 00:42:47,208 --> 00:42:49,125 How's it feel to be dead, water boy? 798 00:42:52,333 --> 00:42:54,959 I don't know. How does it feel to be a dick, dick? 799 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:05,250 Dammit! Where's my water? 800 00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:07,500 There was none delivered last night, First Sergeant. 801 00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:13,458 Goddamn piece of shit newbies. 802 00:43:13,458 --> 00:43:15,709 How am I gonna run a decent H.Q. without my coffee? 803 00:43:21,875 --> 00:43:24,542 That is truly a pathetic sight. 804 00:43:24,542 --> 00:43:25,875 Who perpetrated this? 805 00:43:34,542 --> 00:43:35,959 Ow! 806 00:43:39,875 --> 00:43:41,834 Who did this to you? 807 00:43:41,834 --> 00:43:43,750 I can't tell you, First Sergeant. 808 00:43:43,750 --> 00:43:46,333 What? You have too much honor? 809 00:43:46,333 --> 00:43:50,250 No! I've been threatened with death. 810 00:43:50,250 --> 00:43:53,041 Untie these clowns, and get me some water! 811 00:43:57,208 --> 00:43:59,208 DRILL SERGEANT: ♪ I just love it any ol' way 812 00:43:59,208 --> 00:44:01,208 PLATOON: ♪ I just love it any ol' way ♪ 813 00:44:01,208 --> 00:44:03,667 I have an announcement. 814 00:44:03,667 --> 00:44:06,375 Do you guys want your water, 'cause you're lookin' a little bit crispy? 815 00:44:06,375 --> 00:44:08,542 You better... Oh, I know. I know. I know. 816 00:44:08,542 --> 00:44:12,542 Tell me if this is right. I better call 976, find a doctor 817 00:44:12,542 --> 00:44:15,000 and tag an ambulance, 'cause you're gonna tear off my toe 818 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:17,250 and spit down my head, right? 819 00:44:17,250 --> 00:44:19,041 Do you guys want your water or not? 820 00:44:19,041 --> 00:44:20,875 SOLDIER: Sergeant! 821 00:44:20,875 --> 00:44:22,709 Report to Captain Roberts. You've got a mission. 822 00:44:24,166 --> 00:44:26,917 SOLDIER: Water boys, 823 00:44:26,917 --> 00:44:29,875 report to First Sergeant Williams, you've got a mission too. 824 00:44:29,875 --> 00:44:32,417 Listen up! Captain Denby says 825 00:44:32,417 --> 00:44:36,834 we're gonna resupply the forward U.N. peace-keeping base. 826 00:44:36,834 --> 00:44:39,917 This is a very simple, routine mission. 827 00:44:39,917 --> 00:44:43,583 You will fall into line in a very large, very prepared convoy. 828 00:44:43,583 --> 00:44:47,417 All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you. 829 00:44:47,417 --> 00:44:49,959 When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water. 830 00:44:49,959 --> 00:44:51,625 Conway, you look confused. 831 00:44:51,625 --> 00:44:53,917 Are you sure you wanna send us to a forward area? 832 00:44:53,917 --> 00:44:56,917 We're just water boys. You are soldiers! 833 00:44:56,917 --> 00:45:00,458 You will get in that convoy, and you will be a credit to the United States Army. 834 00:45:00,458 --> 00:45:02,750 Is that clear? ALL: Yes, First Sergeant! 835 00:45:02,750 --> 00:45:05,000 Then muscle your lollygaggin' butts and move out! 836 00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,709 ALL: Yes, First Sergeant! 837 00:45:34,166 --> 00:45:36,166 Dammit! 838 00:45:36,166 --> 00:45:37,834 Forget it. They're gonna send a tow truck. 839 00:45:42,125 --> 00:45:44,583 Man, what I wouldn't do for a double-meat, 840 00:45:44,583 --> 00:45:46,834 chili cheeseburger right now. 841 00:45:46,834 --> 00:45:49,959 No, a margarita on the rocks. 842 00:45:49,959 --> 00:45:52,458 Mmm. 843 00:45:52,458 --> 00:45:55,667 Or some fresh, buttery Jiffy-Pop. 844 00:45:55,667 --> 00:45:57,333 That's not popcorn, boys. 845 00:45:57,333 --> 00:45:58,667 Hmm? 846 00:45:58,667 --> 00:46:00,208 That convoy's under attack. 847 00:46:03,333 --> 00:46:05,583 Really? I don't think so. 848 00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:10,458 A maniac's shooting at us! 849 00:46:10,458 --> 00:46:12,166 It's not a maniac. It's the enemy! 850 00:46:12,166 --> 00:46:14,041 What the hell are you doing? Surrendering! 851 00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:15,291 Don't shoot! 852 00:46:26,333 --> 00:46:27,500 Damn! 853 00:46:30,250 --> 00:46:32,375 Nice goin', Christine. 854 00:46:32,375 --> 00:46:35,375 Did you have to shoot so close, huh? You scared the shit outta me. 855 00:46:35,375 --> 00:46:36,625 Well, excuse me for livin'! 856 00:46:36,625 --> 00:46:39,375 I was just tryin' to save your worthless little life. 857 00:46:39,375 --> 00:46:43,041 Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience, 858 00:46:43,041 --> 00:46:45,333 there's often a desire to have sex? 859 00:46:45,333 --> 00:46:47,208 Yeah, Jack. That's right. 860 00:46:47,208 --> 00:46:49,375 I feel it. All right! 861 00:46:51,041 --> 00:46:54,208 Just not with you... Ever! 862 00:46:54,208 --> 00:46:57,375 Got it? Yeah. Got it. 863 00:46:57,375 --> 00:46:59,208 I'm glad we could have this little talk. 864 00:46:59,208 --> 00:47:01,208 I didn't feel anything. 865 00:47:01,208 --> 00:47:04,166 You guys, let's get outta here The truck's on fire! 866 00:47:22,250 --> 00:47:23,291 Stay low. It's gonna... 867 00:47:30,500 --> 00:47:32,417 ...explode. 868 00:47:34,166 --> 00:47:35,625 Where's Bones? 869 00:47:37,959 --> 00:47:39,917 BONES: Hello! 870 00:47:45,083 --> 00:47:47,750 Now rickity-tick your mustering lollygaggin'. 871 00:47:47,750 --> 00:47:50,917 Let's lollygaggin' outta here! 872 00:48:01,125 --> 00:48:03,000 Isn't the road that way? 873 00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:04,542 Takin' the shortcut. 874 00:48:04,542 --> 00:48:06,166 Is there one? Mm-hmm. 875 00:48:06,166 --> 00:48:08,458 The road curves around like this. 876 00:48:08,458 --> 00:48:10,959 All we gotta do is cut through the desert here, 877 00:48:10,959 --> 00:48:12,792 and catch up with the convoy over there. 878 00:48:12,792 --> 00:48:14,458 Watch out! Come on! 879 00:48:14,458 --> 00:48:16,500 I think I know what I'm doing here. 880 00:48:16,500 --> 00:48:20,458 I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys I get very easily carsick. 881 00:48:35,750 --> 00:48:39,291 CHRISTINE: Bones, I don't see a road. 882 00:48:39,291 --> 00:48:41,125 I have the best sense of direction 883 00:48:41,125 --> 00:48:43,834 of anyone you know. The road's over there. 884 00:48:43,834 --> 00:48:46,625 Three miles... Maybe four. 885 00:48:46,625 --> 00:48:49,834 JACK: Oh, yeah. Maybe 10, maybe 20. 886 00:48:50,875 --> 00:48:52,875 Maybe our truck is sinking. 887 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:56,792 No! 888 00:49:11,834 --> 00:49:14,000 Push! 889 00:49:16,166 --> 00:49:18,875 Just forget it, okay? Just shut it down. We'll dig it out. 890 00:49:18,875 --> 00:49:21,667 No, stand back. Stand back. I'm gonna rock it. 891 00:49:27,667 --> 00:49:29,875 Will you quit? It's not working. 892 00:49:29,875 --> 00:49:32,709 You're sucking too much sand into the air filter. 893 00:49:32,709 --> 00:49:36,375 I order you to shut it down now! 894 00:49:36,375 --> 00:49:38,083 You order me? 895 00:49:38,083 --> 00:49:39,709 Yeah, but I'm Private First Class. 896 00:49:39,709 --> 00:49:41,417 Okay? I'm ordering you. Come on. 897 00:49:41,417 --> 00:49:44,083 The only reason you made... 898 00:49:44,083 --> 00:49:46,375 Private First Class 899 00:49:46,375 --> 00:49:48,750 is because your brother's a pool man. 900 00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:56,417 Huh? You happy? 901 00:49:56,417 --> 00:49:57,917 Get off! You happy? 902 00:50:00,208 --> 00:50:03,041 Yeah, well, I hope you brought your Triple "A" cards. 903 00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:04,583 Let's see. 904 00:50:09,709 --> 00:50:12,333 Oh! Well, look. You cracked the block. 905 00:50:12,333 --> 00:50:14,250 I could've done it if you hadn't stopped me. 906 00:50:14,250 --> 00:50:15,792 Yeah! You're so full of it. 907 00:50:15,792 --> 00:50:18,083 You know what? CHRISTINE: Shut up! 908 00:50:18,083 --> 00:50:20,583 We gotta figure out what we're gonna do. 909 00:50:20,583 --> 00:50:23,125 Why don't you just ask our fearless leader here? 910 00:50:23,125 --> 00:50:26,125 Private First Class Bones, the one with the highest rank. 911 00:50:26,125 --> 00:50:29,417 All you had to do, Jack, was just listen to me. Okay? I was trying to... 912 00:50:29,417 --> 00:50:32,417 All I've ever done is listen to you, and look where it's taken me. 913 00:50:32,417 --> 00:50:36,417 Look! We're in the middle of some African hellhole 914 00:50:36,417 --> 00:50:39,792 under a flesh-frying sun with the sky filled with vultures 915 00:50:39,792 --> 00:50:43,083 ready to pluck out my eyeballs. 916 00:50:43,083 --> 00:50:46,750 Vultures don't come around unless something's about to die. 917 00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:07,083 Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket? 918 00:51:07,083 --> 00:51:10,000 Well, that's gonna look sexy. 919 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,792 Jack, tomorrow we have to walk away from this water truck. 920 00:51:13,792 --> 00:51:15,458 We have two canteens between us. 921 00:51:15,458 --> 00:51:18,125 We're gonna fill up the sleeves of our jacket's with water 922 00:51:18,125 --> 00:51:19,375 and then we have more water. 923 00:51:19,375 --> 00:51:22,458 Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class? 924 00:51:26,375 --> 00:51:28,000 There's a scorpion on my back! 925 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:29,500 There's a scorpion on my back! 926 00:51:29,500 --> 00:51:30,959 That's enough! 927 00:51:30,959 --> 00:51:33,333 There's not a scorpion on your back! 928 00:51:33,333 --> 00:51:35,583 Uh-uh. 929 00:51:35,583 --> 00:51:38,000 There is a scorpion on my back! 930 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,667 Fred, there's nothing on your back. 931 00:51:40,667 --> 00:51:43,000 You keep on imagining things. 932 00:51:45,500 --> 00:51:48,333 Thank you. I needed that. 933 00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:52,000 I'm sorry I snapped. 934 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:54,500 Look, you don't have to apologize. 935 00:51:54,500 --> 00:51:56,291 You're right! 936 00:51:56,291 --> 00:51:58,375 I see things very clear now. 937 00:51:58,375 --> 00:52:00,208 All right, Fred! Hey? 938 00:52:00,208 --> 00:52:03,166 FRED: Look guys, I want to apologize to everybody. Okay? 939 00:52:03,166 --> 00:52:04,834 He's okay. I feel like a brand-new man. 940 00:52:04,834 --> 00:52:07,000 All right. Now, can we get some rest? 941 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:08,667 Okay. Thank you. 942 00:52:18,750 --> 00:52:20,542 What are you doing? 943 00:52:20,542 --> 00:52:23,542 Just felt like going... 944 00:52:23,542 --> 00:52:25,041 You're always playing! 945 00:52:26,625 --> 00:52:28,875 Did you guys see that thing? It was... 946 00:52:38,208 --> 00:52:40,750 BONES: Follow me. I know exactly where I'm goin'. 947 00:52:40,750 --> 00:52:43,542 ♪ When all there's left to do 948 00:52:43,542 --> 00:52:44,667 Trust me. 949 00:52:44,667 --> 00:52:47,375 ♪ 'Cause you're fightin' what's been done 950 00:52:49,291 --> 00:52:53,792 ♪ This is where sadness breathes 951 00:52:53,792 --> 00:52:55,917 ♪ The sadness of everyone 952 00:52:58,125 --> 00:53:01,458 ♪ Just like when the guys quit the damn at Otter Creek 953 00:53:01,458 --> 00:53:04,291 ♪ And all the water backed up 954 00:53:04,291 --> 00:53:07,583 ♪ Deep enough to die ♪ 955 00:53:09,250 --> 00:53:11,750 You guys, get down. I see something. Get down! 956 00:53:22,667 --> 00:53:25,750 It's a truck! There's the road. We are saved! 957 00:53:25,750 --> 00:53:28,166 I told you I had a flawless sense of direction. 958 00:53:30,709 --> 00:53:33,583 BONES: What a coincidence! That truck looks... 959 00:53:33,583 --> 00:53:36,125 That looks like our truck. 960 00:53:42,959 --> 00:53:44,625 BONES: Hey, listen you guys. Hey. 961 00:53:44,625 --> 00:53:47,792 I figured out why we went in circles. 962 00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:49,959 Do you remember our map-reading class? 963 00:53:49,959 --> 00:53:52,959 We didn't follow the sun! 964 00:53:55,166 --> 00:53:59,458 Look, this stream is due west. 965 00:53:59,458 --> 00:54:02,625 All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning, 966 00:54:02,625 --> 00:54:05,959 and towards the sun in the afternoon and we should be there by nightfall. 967 00:54:05,959 --> 00:54:07,166 So you're saying 968 00:54:07,166 --> 00:54:10,625 we should risk being dried up into human jerky again... 969 00:54:10,625 --> 00:54:14,000 ...just to follow another one of your half-baked plans. 970 00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:15,500 I'm not saying anything, okay? 971 00:54:15,500 --> 00:54:17,375 I mean, I'm pretty sure this is gonna work. 972 00:54:17,375 --> 00:54:19,583 But since I let us down before, 973 00:54:19,583 --> 00:54:21,333 I say from here on in, 974 00:54:21,333 --> 00:54:23,333 we put everything to a vote. 975 00:54:23,333 --> 00:54:25,083 We can't vote. 976 00:54:25,083 --> 00:54:27,083 You order. We follow. 977 00:54:27,083 --> 00:54:29,458 Okay, well, I order us to vote. 978 00:54:29,458 --> 00:54:32,834 That is not how the Army goes. You have to tell us what to do. 979 00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:35,291 What if I'm wrong? 980 00:54:36,500 --> 00:54:39,458 Then... We die. 981 00:54:44,667 --> 00:54:47,000 I order us... 982 00:54:47,000 --> 00:54:50,333 To do a sunbaked... Plan thing. 983 00:54:50,875 --> 00:54:52,166 We're dead. 984 00:54:55,542 --> 00:55:00,375 BONES: Hey, guys, just think of it as a very long day... 985 00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:03,542 ...on a very big beach in a very dry year. 986 00:55:22,875 --> 00:55:24,291 JACK: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 987 00:55:24,291 --> 00:55:26,333 Wait a minute. It's the ocean. 988 00:55:27,208 --> 00:55:28,625 I don't see anything. 989 00:55:28,625 --> 00:55:31,375 What, are you blind? The...The waves! 990 00:55:31,375 --> 00:55:33,458 It's the ocean! 991 00:55:33,458 --> 00:55:35,375 It's a mirage! 992 00:55:35,375 --> 00:55:37,208 It is a mirage! 993 00:55:37,208 --> 00:55:38,959 And there's Caesars. 994 00:55:38,959 --> 00:55:40,583 And right across the street is the Barbary Coast 995 00:55:40,583 --> 00:55:43,583 where you can get a $3.99 buffet. 996 00:55:43,583 --> 00:55:47,250 It's the ocean! Come on! 997 00:55:47,250 --> 00:55:49,250 Come on! Let's go! 998 00:55:50,500 --> 00:55:53,250 Come on! First one in! 999 00:55:54,542 --> 00:55:55,792 Come on! 1000 00:56:08,125 --> 00:56:11,083 Here's a canteen. Go get your boy 'cause he's buggin'. 1001 00:56:25,250 --> 00:56:28,000 Are you okay, man? Are you okay? Here. 1002 00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:29,417 Take a sip. 1003 00:56:30,959 --> 00:56:33,041 Listen. 1004 00:56:33,041 --> 00:56:35,291 Look, Jack, we got two choices... 1005 00:56:35,291 --> 00:56:37,625 One, we could put your clothes back on, 1006 00:56:37,625 --> 00:56:38,875 we get ourselves out of this mess. 1007 00:56:38,875 --> 00:56:40,959 Go back to Glendale. Start up our own store. 1008 00:56:40,959 --> 00:56:43,709 Become rich and famous! 1009 00:56:43,709 --> 00:56:47,000 Or two, you can lie here butt-naked and crust away, 1010 00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,333 leaving your skull to be found by a young Arabic prince 1011 00:56:49,333 --> 00:56:51,417 that's gonna use it for an ashtray. 1012 00:56:55,125 --> 00:56:57,792 You don't want that in your head. 1013 00:56:57,792 --> 00:56:59,959 You make the call. Come on, let's get outta here. 1014 00:57:01,375 --> 00:57:03,417 What do you say? Come on. 1015 00:57:03,417 --> 00:57:05,709 Here. Here. 1016 00:57:05,709 --> 00:57:07,000 Here. Here. 1017 00:57:08,834 --> 00:57:10,333 Come on. 1018 00:57:11,875 --> 00:57:13,000 Come on. 1019 00:57:15,625 --> 00:57:19,375 Hey. Oh, Jack, look at that ass! 1020 00:57:19,375 --> 00:57:22,667 Maybe you should stay naked, get some sun on those cheeks. 1021 00:57:31,375 --> 00:57:32,667 What? 1022 00:57:32,667 --> 00:57:34,667 Oh, man, now I'm seeing things. 1023 00:57:34,667 --> 00:57:37,000 The palm trees right on the horizon. 1024 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:38,834 CHRISTINE: Oh! It's another mirage. 1025 00:57:38,834 --> 00:57:42,917 Oh, my God, I see it too. It's not a mirage. 1026 00:57:42,917 --> 00:57:46,208 Those are the palm trees! It's the oasis! 1027 00:57:46,208 --> 00:57:49,250 Oh, man. You saved our lives! 1028 00:57:54,875 --> 00:57:57,417 Where's my kiss? Christine? 1029 00:58:04,417 --> 00:58:06,542 This stream was due west. Right? 1030 00:58:06,542 --> 00:58:08,208 It was on the map, right? 1031 00:58:09,041 --> 00:58:11,041 Where's the water? 1032 00:58:13,208 --> 00:58:15,542 This is sand. 1033 00:58:21,500 --> 00:58:22,583 Nobody move. 1034 00:58:24,875 --> 00:58:27,291 There is a big snake right by your feet. 1035 00:58:29,291 --> 00:58:31,083 Ah! 1036 00:58:31,083 --> 00:58:33,125 BONES: Thanks for not movin', Jack. 1037 00:58:35,417 --> 00:58:38,250 Throw me the gun. 1038 00:58:38,250 --> 00:58:41,083 If you don't attack it, it'll go away. 1039 00:58:41,083 --> 00:58:42,792 I, I don't want it to go away. 1040 00:58:42,792 --> 00:58:44,250 I want to have it for dinner. 1041 00:58:44,250 --> 00:58:46,125 Throw me the gun. 1042 00:58:55,500 --> 00:58:57,041 Ah! 1043 00:58:58,417 --> 00:59:00,250 You want some of this, baby, huh? 1044 00:59:00,250 --> 00:59:01,583 There you go. Come on! 1045 00:59:01,583 --> 00:59:03,667 Oh, oh... 1046 00:59:03,667 --> 00:59:05,750 Oh, no. Oh... 1047 00:59:05,750 --> 00:59:07,333 I'm still gonna getcha! 1048 00:59:09,667 --> 00:59:12,000 You're gonna die, vermin! I'll kill you! 1049 00:59:15,834 --> 00:59:19,000 Huh? Shudda-budda-da-da-da! 1050 00:59:24,625 --> 00:59:25,959 Huh? 1051 00:59:25,959 --> 00:59:28,291 It's a win-win situation. 1052 00:59:31,083 --> 00:59:33,500 Would you look at that? 1053 00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:34,834 JACK: Water from the bullet hole. 1054 00:59:38,625 --> 00:59:41,125 Water! Yeah! 1055 00:59:41,125 --> 00:59:43,792 JACK: Water! Water! 1056 00:59:43,792 --> 00:59:47,458 Fresh water! I can't believe it! 1057 00:59:48,834 --> 00:59:50,333 Is it snake yet? 1058 00:59:50,333 --> 00:59:53,000 Depends how you like it. Well done! 1059 00:59:54,750 --> 00:59:57,500 He used to be afraid of scorpions, now he's eatin' snake! 1060 00:59:57,500 --> 00:59:59,667 That is impressive, Fred. 1061 00:59:59,667 --> 01:00:03,125 I thought we were all gonna die. 1062 01:00:04,208 --> 01:00:05,667 But you pulled us through. 1063 01:00:06,875 --> 01:00:08,291 I don't know how, 1064 01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:10,333 but thank you. 1065 01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:23,875 That was, uh... 1066 01:00:24,500 --> 01:00:25,875 Pretty exceptional. 1067 01:00:27,500 --> 01:00:29,542 So what are you gonna do if I get us rescued? 1068 01:00:32,041 --> 01:00:33,375 Um... 1069 01:00:34,041 --> 01:00:35,375 I will 1070 01:00:36,625 --> 01:00:38,709 take off all your clothes, 1071 01:00:40,542 --> 01:00:42,166 tie you to the bed, 1072 01:00:44,208 --> 01:00:49,125 rub warm oil all over your body, 1073 01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:52,333 from the bottom of those feet to the top of that head, 1074 01:00:53,709 --> 01:00:57,250 and proceed to have the nastiest, 1075 01:00:57,250 --> 01:01:01,250 freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined. 1076 01:01:01,250 --> 01:01:03,959 Wow. 1077 01:01:03,959 --> 01:01:07,417 Oh, that's it. Dammit! I saw her first! 1078 01:01:07,417 --> 01:01:09,250 And look what happens! 1079 01:01:09,250 --> 01:01:11,458 The same thing that happened with Gabriella. 1080 01:01:11,458 --> 01:01:12,750 I saw her first. 1081 01:01:12,750 --> 01:01:14,291 And Wanda Tushman. 1082 01:01:14,291 --> 01:01:16,375 In the third grade. I saw her first! 1083 01:01:16,375 --> 01:01:19,333 And that girl in Palm Springs that turned out to be the guy. 1084 01:01:19,333 --> 01:01:21,083 I saw that thing first, too. 1085 01:01:21,083 --> 01:01:22,959 You know why I'm not just 1086 01:01:22,959 --> 01:01:24,583 strangling you right now? 1087 01:01:25,417 --> 01:01:27,250 'Cause you can't cook a snake? 1088 01:01:27,250 --> 01:01:29,041 No. 1089 01:01:29,041 --> 01:01:32,083 Because no matter how long we've been friends, 1090 01:01:32,083 --> 01:01:36,500 I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would save our lives, 1091 01:01:36,500 --> 01:01:38,917 let alone kill a snake. 1092 01:01:38,917 --> 01:01:41,000 But you did. Hey, man, thanks. 1093 01:01:41,000 --> 01:01:42,417 Yeah. 1094 01:01:44,083 --> 01:01:46,083 I think it's the U.N. flag. 1095 01:01:46,083 --> 01:01:48,417 We're saved! 1096 01:01:48,417 --> 01:01:51,208 Guys, Christine and I are gonna need some time alone. 1097 01:01:51,208 --> 01:01:52,417 Sure, man! 1098 01:01:56,542 --> 01:01:59,709 REPORTER: ...President in the situation room of the White House today. 1099 01:01:59,709 --> 01:02:01,250 And the President is scheduled to address 1100 01:02:01,250 --> 01:02:04,959 the nation tomorrow at 6:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time. 1101 01:02:04,959 --> 01:02:07,291 We will... Welcome. 1102 01:02:07,291 --> 01:02:11,125 You are the reservists from Glendale, California. Correct? 1103 01:02:11,125 --> 01:02:15,125 According to W.N.R., you are presumed dead in a truck explosion. 1104 01:02:15,125 --> 01:02:17,166 Um, where are we? 1105 01:02:18,959 --> 01:02:22,625 You are on a military base well inside Libya. 1106 01:02:22,625 --> 01:02:24,000 That is all you need to know. 1107 01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,333 Oh, I forgot to mention. 1108 01:02:27,291 --> 01:02:28,959 The war is starting tomorrow. 1109 01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:30,542 How'd you know that? 1110 01:02:30,542 --> 01:02:33,083 American TV. 1111 01:02:33,083 --> 01:02:37,166 Your country is expected to start bombing our air bases tomorrow. 1112 01:02:37,166 --> 01:02:38,583 And when that happens, 1113 01:02:38,583 --> 01:02:42,750 we will unleash missiles with chemical warheads against your bases. 1114 01:02:42,750 --> 01:02:44,500 Consider yourself lucky to be here. 1115 01:02:45,291 --> 01:02:46,500 Sleep well. 1116 01:02:49,250 --> 01:02:52,333 You know, this is fine. It's like the time you got us arrested in Tijuana. 1117 01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:54,166 Except we're in Libya. 1118 01:02:54,166 --> 01:02:57,792 And your dad's not gonna pick us up here, brother. 1119 01:02:59,333 --> 01:03:01,500 Yo, aren't you guys also American? 1120 01:03:05,834 --> 01:03:07,500 Ah, see. I see. 1121 01:03:07,500 --> 01:03:09,667 I was wounded and I don't feel well. 1122 01:03:09,667 --> 01:03:11,959 Please sing a song to comfort me. 1123 01:03:11,959 --> 01:03:14,208 Sing a song? Any song! 1124 01:03:14,208 --> 01:03:15,500 They could hear you. 1125 01:03:15,500 --> 01:03:17,542 Oh, because of the thing. 1126 01:03:17,542 --> 01:03:18,875 Oh, okay. 1127 01:03:20,083 --> 01:03:21,750 ♪ Rescue me 1128 01:03:21,750 --> 01:03:23,500 Sing. 1129 01:03:23,500 --> 01:03:27,750 ♪ I want your tender charms 'Cause I'm so lonely 1130 01:03:27,750 --> 01:03:29,375 ♪ And I'm blue ♪ 1131 01:03:29,375 --> 01:03:31,417 My team was on strategic recon. 1132 01:03:31,417 --> 01:03:32,750 Oh? 1133 01:03:32,750 --> 01:03:34,875 You know, that's when you go behind enemy lines. 1134 01:03:34,875 --> 01:03:37,875 And try to locate their assets like tanks and bunkers. 1135 01:03:37,875 --> 01:03:41,083 We were on our way to a resupply drop and we were ambushed. 1136 01:03:41,083 --> 01:03:43,291 The other guys were killed. Killed? 1137 01:03:43,291 --> 01:03:45,709 ♪ I need you by my side 1138 01:03:45,709 --> 01:03:48,041 ♪ Can't you see that I'm lonely 1139 01:03:48,041 --> 01:03:50,458 I took a bullet in the leg, and they brought me here. 1140 01:03:50,458 --> 01:03:54,041 ♪ Uh-huh, I don't know any words to this song ♪ 1141 01:03:54,041 --> 01:03:56,250 ♪ Kiss me, baby ♪ Kiss me, baby 1142 01:03:56,250 --> 01:03:59,083 ♪ Kiss me, baby, yeah Hold me, baby ♪ 1143 01:03:59,083 --> 01:04:00,750 ♪ Love me, baby ♪ ♪ Love me, baby ♪ 1144 01:04:00,750 --> 01:04:02,750 Use this to dig around the base 1145 01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:04,250 of the bars on the window. 1146 01:04:04,250 --> 01:04:05,917 I got one of them loose already. 1147 01:04:05,917 --> 01:04:09,083 Escape? What are you, crazy? 1148 01:04:09,083 --> 01:04:11,750 ♪ Ahh, oh-ho ♪ Uh-huh 1149 01:04:11,750 --> 01:04:14,959 Look. It's the duty of every POW to try to escape. 1150 01:04:14,959 --> 01:04:16,083 We're in the middle of a desert. 1151 01:04:16,083 --> 01:04:18,083 What good is it gonna do for us to escape? 1152 01:04:18,083 --> 01:04:20,542 To complete the recon mission, soldier. 1153 01:04:20,542 --> 01:04:23,917 The special operations cargo plane was instructed to make a supply drop 1154 01:04:23,917 --> 01:04:27,208 at a rendezvous point about 15 K north of here. 1155 01:04:27,208 --> 01:04:28,458 If we can get off this base, 1156 01:04:28,458 --> 01:04:30,417 I can get us to the rendezvous point. 1157 01:04:30,417 --> 01:04:32,750 You're insane. Okay, the Libyans are gonna launch chemical weapons. 1158 01:04:32,750 --> 01:04:33,709 We're much safer here. 1159 01:04:33,709 --> 01:04:36,625 No. I'm a soldier, and I got a job to do. 1160 01:04:37,417 --> 01:04:39,291 And so are you. 1161 01:04:39,291 --> 01:04:41,959 Now get to work, Private. 1162 01:04:41,959 --> 01:04:43,959 ♪ I'm lonely 1163 01:04:43,959 --> 01:04:47,458 ♪ Yeah, rescue me Pretty baby ♪ 1164 01:04:58,458 --> 01:05:00,125 Bones. Ah-ah, ah-ha. 1165 01:05:02,709 --> 01:05:04,291 My heart. 1166 01:05:04,291 --> 01:05:05,333 You know what? 1167 01:05:05,333 --> 01:05:08,125 You didn't scare me. I just felt like screaming. 1168 01:05:08,125 --> 01:05:11,125 Don't worry about it. Most men think I'm scary. 1169 01:05:14,000 --> 01:05:16,250 So, you can't sleep, huh? 1170 01:05:16,250 --> 01:05:17,583 I'm too excited. 1171 01:05:17,583 --> 01:05:19,834 Excited? They might torture us tomorrow. 1172 01:05:19,834 --> 01:05:21,750 They might even kill us. 1173 01:05:21,750 --> 01:05:24,667 I know. It's just like the night before Christmas. 1174 01:05:24,667 --> 01:05:27,375 Yeah, well at my house we got presents. 1175 01:05:27,375 --> 01:05:31,250 I'm talking about the anticipation. 1176 01:05:31,250 --> 01:05:35,000 We might die. We, we, we might escape. 1177 01:05:35,000 --> 01:05:36,291 We don't know what's gonna happen. 1178 01:05:36,291 --> 01:05:38,917 That's the coolest thing in the world. 1179 01:05:38,917 --> 01:05:41,834 Most girls are into horses and stuff. 1180 01:05:41,834 --> 01:05:43,166 You're weird. 1181 01:05:44,917 --> 01:05:46,667 Most men say that, too. 1182 01:05:48,250 --> 01:05:49,667 I like it. 1183 01:05:51,208 --> 01:05:52,500 You do? 1184 01:05:53,834 --> 01:05:56,041 Yeah. Horses are boring. 1185 01:06:03,208 --> 01:06:05,667 So... 1186 01:06:05,667 --> 01:06:09,166 ...if I do get us out of here and I will, 1187 01:06:09,166 --> 01:06:12,917 is it true what you said about tying me up and all the wild sex stuff? 1188 01:06:13,709 --> 01:06:15,375 Only if you kiss me again. 1189 01:06:22,375 --> 01:06:24,875 Okay, wait. Wait... 1190 01:06:24,875 --> 01:06:27,542 I think I got it. Wait, look... Wait, look at it. 1191 01:06:27,542 --> 01:06:29,709 You got it? Yeah, look at it. 1192 01:06:35,375 --> 01:06:37,041 Stern? 1193 01:06:37,041 --> 01:06:40,166 Stern, you gotta wake up. I can't turn the alarm off. 1194 01:06:40,166 --> 01:06:42,375 It's not an alarm. It's an air-raid siren. 1195 01:06:42,375 --> 01:06:44,041 Oh, thank God! 1196 01:06:45,417 --> 01:06:48,250 I thought it was... I was having another panic attack. 1197 01:07:08,125 --> 01:07:10,083 BONES: It's okay, it's okay. 1198 01:07:26,834 --> 01:07:29,458 Yes. 1199 01:07:32,583 --> 01:07:36,208 Almost. Try it again. 1200 01:07:36,208 --> 01:07:38,291 Okay. Cross yo... 1201 01:07:42,792 --> 01:07:46,291 That was good. Just a little more to the left and you got 'em. 1202 01:07:46,291 --> 01:07:48,208 Yeah. You guys just keep trying. 1203 01:07:48,208 --> 01:07:51,500 BONES: Do you guys realize what we are doing right now? 1204 01:07:51,500 --> 01:07:54,166 This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean. 1205 01:07:54,166 --> 01:07:57,458 All we need is that mangy dog, right? 1206 01:07:57,458 --> 01:07:58,792 And we can go... 1207 01:07:58,792 --> 01:08:00,625 STERN: Quiet. Just try it again. 1208 01:08:14,583 --> 01:08:15,709 Ah. 1209 01:08:30,834 --> 01:08:32,166 How much do you love me? 1210 01:08:42,667 --> 01:08:44,208 Uh, I'm sorry, I don't get it. 1211 01:08:44,208 --> 01:08:46,000 What is it with us and trucks? 1212 01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:48,667 We get 'em, we break 'em, we smash 'em, we crash 'em. 1213 01:08:48,667 --> 01:08:50,041 We run out of gas. I don't get it! 1214 01:08:50,041 --> 01:08:51,709 Yes, yes, yes. I understand that. 1215 01:08:51,709 --> 01:08:53,375 But we're not getting tortured by 1216 01:08:53,375 --> 01:08:55,208 Babaga-douche right now, okay? 1217 01:08:55,208 --> 01:08:58,875 No, instead we're lost in the desert again. 1218 01:08:58,875 --> 01:09:01,375 Without food and water. Again. 1219 01:09:01,375 --> 01:09:03,750 Stuck with this Special Forces guy. 1220 01:09:03,750 --> 01:09:05,583 He can't even walk 'cause he got his leg shot off. 1221 01:09:05,583 --> 01:09:07,333 Fred, we're free! 1222 01:09:07,333 --> 01:09:09,041 Yeah, and we're gonna die free! 1223 01:09:09,750 --> 01:09:11,166 Or maybe not. 1224 01:09:15,875 --> 01:09:20,875 BONES: 55 American dollars. 1225 01:09:20,875 --> 01:09:24,375 Then on top of it, see this truck? 1226 01:09:24,375 --> 01:09:26,917 Serious, bona fide Libyan Army 1227 01:09:26,917 --> 01:09:28,375 fighting machine. 1228 01:09:28,375 --> 01:09:31,250 And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend. 1229 01:09:31,250 --> 01:09:32,667 I mean, if you're lucky, 1230 01:09:32,667 --> 01:09:34,250 it might even have a Kuwait track. 1231 01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:36,250 You can play abu-dabu-da stuff on it. 1232 01:09:38,250 --> 01:09:42,166 Huh? And you ask me, how could it be? Why such a deal? 1233 01:09:42,166 --> 01:09:44,625 Because we're crazy boys! 1234 01:09:44,625 --> 01:09:46,750 We're givin' it away! 1235 01:09:51,917 --> 01:09:53,250 Hmm? 1236 01:09:55,417 --> 01:09:56,750 You like this watch? 1237 01:09:56,750 --> 01:09:58,875 BONES: Is it interesting? JACK: No, no, no. 1238 01:09:58,875 --> 01:10:01,083 Not the watch. He likes it. 1239 01:10:01,083 --> 01:10:03,750 Come on. It's got the faces of the moon and a compass. 1240 01:10:05,250 --> 01:10:07,917 What? This has a compass? Yeah. 1241 01:10:07,917 --> 01:10:09,500 Really? 1242 01:10:09,500 --> 01:10:11,458 Yeah, well, we've been stuck in the desert for three days, 1243 01:10:11,458 --> 01:10:13,959 and you're telling me this watch has a compass. Sorry. 1244 01:10:13,959 --> 01:10:16,834 Ooh, Jack, oh, you're gonna get some noogies later. 1245 01:10:16,834 --> 01:10:18,583 I'm gonna just pound you like this. 1246 01:10:18,583 --> 01:10:20,625 JACK: I forgot. Yeah, well, uh... 1247 01:10:20,625 --> 01:10:25,291 Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, Jack, because it's gone! 1248 01:10:25,291 --> 01:10:26,959 Uh-huh? Here you go, my friend. 1249 01:10:27,875 --> 01:10:30,291 BONES: Hey, you guys. In my life 1250 01:10:30,291 --> 01:10:33,959 I've seen a lot of camels' toes, 1251 01:10:33,959 --> 01:10:36,959 but I've never seen one on a camel. 1252 01:10:36,959 --> 01:10:38,792 I think he's got a crush on you, Bones. 1253 01:10:39,542 --> 01:10:41,750 Really? How can you tell? 1254 01:10:41,750 --> 01:10:45,458 'Cause he's been nibblin' on your ears. Yeah? 1255 01:10:45,458 --> 01:10:47,500 And licking on your neck. 1256 01:10:48,417 --> 01:10:49,917 It's okay. 1257 01:10:49,917 --> 01:10:51,125 You're just a camel. 1258 01:10:54,291 --> 01:10:57,667 STERN: Our supply drop's on the other side of that Libyan base. 1259 01:10:57,667 --> 01:10:59,166 BONES: What Libyan base? 1260 01:10:59,166 --> 01:11:01,166 Bones, are you blind? 1261 01:11:01,166 --> 01:11:05,125 It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent. What are you talking about? 1262 01:11:05,125 --> 01:11:07,000 I guess we're gonna have to go around it. 1263 01:11:07,000 --> 01:11:09,166 Around what? 1264 01:11:09,166 --> 01:11:11,125 CHRISTINE: See that Jeep right there? 1265 01:11:11,125 --> 01:11:12,834 BONES: Mmm-hmm, I see the Jeep, but I certainly don't... 1266 01:11:14,083 --> 01:11:17,166 Oh! You mean that Libyan base, 1267 01:11:17,166 --> 01:11:20,000 the one under the camo tent! 1268 01:11:20,000 --> 01:11:22,709 I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base. 1269 01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:25,709 FRED: Will there be medical supplies? 1270 01:11:25,709 --> 01:11:28,542 STERN: Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio. 1271 01:11:28,542 --> 01:11:29,875 Everything you need. 1272 01:11:29,875 --> 01:11:31,041 BONES: Yeah, but where is it? 1273 01:11:31,041 --> 01:11:32,166 It's supposed to be right here. 1274 01:11:33,875 --> 01:11:37,375 Hey, you guys! Come on! 1275 01:11:37,375 --> 01:11:40,417 Hey, come on, you guys! BONES: What is it? 1276 01:11:40,417 --> 01:11:41,583 CHRISTINE: Come on! 1277 01:11:54,917 --> 01:11:56,333 ALL: Yeah! 1278 01:12:01,125 --> 01:12:02,709 BOTH: Hot Wheels! 1279 01:12:16,542 --> 01:12:19,250 BONES: Stern, these things are intense! 1280 01:12:19,250 --> 01:12:21,250 No wonder people join the Army. 1281 01:12:21,250 --> 01:12:23,959 ♪ Be all that you can be 1282 01:12:23,959 --> 01:12:26,500 ♪ You're in the Army ♪ 1283 01:12:26,500 --> 01:12:28,000 What happened to him? 1284 01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:29,667 His leg looks pretty bad. 1285 01:12:29,667 --> 01:12:32,083 I think it's infected 'cause he lost a lot of blood. 1286 01:12:32,083 --> 01:12:34,417 But look at his gums! They're fabulous, man. 1287 01:12:34,417 --> 01:12:37,250 Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing. 1288 01:12:37,250 --> 01:12:40,417 Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted? Oh, that's the morphine. 1289 01:12:40,417 --> 01:12:43,166 Absolutely! The "morphine," the better. 1290 01:12:45,959 --> 01:12:48,083 BONES: Hello! Somebody answer us, please! 1291 01:12:48,083 --> 01:12:50,750 You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle... 1292 01:12:50,750 --> 01:12:52,083 Please, just help us... 1293 01:12:52,083 --> 01:12:53,750 Get ahold of yourself, soldier. 1294 01:12:53,750 --> 01:12:55,583 Oh, thank God, it's you! 1295 01:12:55,583 --> 01:12:58,125 Listen... Don't say my name. 1296 01:12:58,125 --> 01:13:01,792 What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad? 1297 01:13:01,792 --> 01:13:04,291 Uh, something about your clock being broken. 1298 01:13:04,917 --> 01:13:06,291 Close enough. 1299 01:13:06,291 --> 01:13:07,917 Okay, calm down, son, 1300 01:13:07,917 --> 01:13:09,250 we're gonna get you outta there. 1301 01:13:09,250 --> 01:13:10,667 Now listen carefully. 1302 01:13:10,667 --> 01:13:13,458 Your call sign is now Glendale. 1303 01:13:13,458 --> 01:13:16,625 Our call sign is now Burbank. 1304 01:13:16,625 --> 01:13:18,834 Did you recover the fast-attack vehicles, Glendale? 1305 01:13:18,834 --> 01:13:21,333 Oh, you mean those dune buggies! 1306 01:13:21,333 --> 01:13:22,792 Yeah, those things are intense. 1307 01:13:22,792 --> 01:13:25,125 Good. This equipment was intended 1308 01:13:25,125 --> 01:13:28,125 for the Special Forces team to carry out a vital mission. 1309 01:13:28,125 --> 01:13:31,125 You are our only assets on the ground 1310 01:13:31,125 --> 01:13:33,792 with the right equipment in the right place. 1311 01:13:33,792 --> 01:13:35,291 Say what? 1312 01:13:35,291 --> 01:13:37,667 You have to take over, Glendale. 1313 01:13:37,667 --> 01:13:39,834 Listen. Let me explain something. 1314 01:13:39,834 --> 01:13:42,375 First of all, Sergeant, we're water boys. 1315 01:13:42,375 --> 01:13:45,333 Okay, please... You're soldiers first, Glendale! 1316 01:13:46,417 --> 01:13:48,542 Now, listen up. 1317 01:13:48,542 --> 01:13:52,667 The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area. 1318 01:13:52,667 --> 01:13:54,959 These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons 1319 01:13:54,959 --> 01:13:57,667 and targeted at U.S. bases. 1320 01:13:57,667 --> 01:14:00,500 Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find 'em. 1321 01:14:00,500 --> 01:14:03,000 You want us to find 'em? But what about Stern? 1322 01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:05,458 Stern can find 'em. He'll be up pretty soon. Stern? 1323 01:14:05,458 --> 01:14:09,417 Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class? 1324 01:14:09,417 --> 01:14:10,875 Teacher says I'm a natural. 1325 01:14:12,166 --> 01:14:14,542 These scuds can't be spotted from the air 1326 01:14:14,542 --> 01:14:16,834 because of heavy camouflage. 1327 01:14:16,834 --> 01:14:21,250 Camouflage? Why didn't you say so in the first place? 1328 01:14:21,250 --> 01:14:23,250 Listen, we saw the thing this morning. 1329 01:14:23,250 --> 01:14:25,875 Stern wrote down the coordinates. Right, Stern? 1330 01:14:25,875 --> 01:14:29,583 We'll tell you where it is. You guys can come here and bomb the hell out of it! 1331 01:14:29,583 --> 01:14:31,166 Come on. Send the Air Force. 1332 01:14:31,166 --> 01:14:33,375 It's not enough to tell us. 1333 01:14:33,375 --> 01:14:36,542 You have to go back there and paint it. 1334 01:14:36,542 --> 01:14:40,208 Paint it? Trust me. It looks perfectly fine the way it is. 1335 01:14:40,208 --> 01:14:42,709 I mean, paint it with the laser. 1336 01:14:42,709 --> 01:14:46,083 The laser target designator. It's in your equipment. 1337 01:14:46,083 --> 01:14:48,542 All you have to do is return to that base, 1338 01:14:48,542 --> 01:14:52,166 point the laser at it, and call me back on the radio. 1339 01:14:52,166 --> 01:14:53,875 The Air Force will do the rest. 1340 01:14:53,875 --> 01:14:56,583 You can be a mile away in perfect safety. 1341 01:14:58,667 --> 01:15:00,083 All right. Wait a minute. 1342 01:15:00,083 --> 01:15:02,625 Chris? Get over here. CHRISTINE: What? 1343 01:15:02,625 --> 01:15:04,417 Bones, they can't make us do anything. 1344 01:15:04,417 --> 01:15:06,542 We don't know how to use this stuff. 1345 01:15:06,542 --> 01:15:09,542 Fred, you use lasers in dentistry, right? 1346 01:15:09,542 --> 01:15:11,542 Uh-uh. I know what's goin' on! You're gonna try to 1347 01:15:11,542 --> 01:15:12,917 make the brother hold the laser, right? 1348 01:15:12,917 --> 01:15:15,417 No. My laser was a little, itty-bitty laser. 1349 01:15:15,417 --> 01:15:17,583 This is a big laser. There's a difference. 1350 01:15:17,583 --> 01:15:20,417 WILLIAMS: Glendale? Glendale! Mmm-hmm. No. 1351 01:15:20,417 --> 01:15:22,375 Can't they just evacuate the bases? 1352 01:15:22,375 --> 01:15:24,750 Or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, 1353 01:15:24,750 --> 01:15:26,917 hop in these cool dune buggies, 1354 01:15:26,917 --> 01:15:30,041 pop the base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it! 1355 01:15:30,041 --> 01:15:31,125 Now, you listen to me, Glendale! 1356 01:15:31,125 --> 01:15:34,083 Please hold yourself there one second. 1357 01:15:34,083 --> 01:15:35,583 I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends. 1358 01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:36,750 Is that okay? 1359 01:15:36,750 --> 01:15:38,917 Just have a cup of java. Please chill. 1360 01:15:41,083 --> 01:15:43,709 Fred, when you first got here, 1361 01:15:43,709 --> 01:15:47,125 you were completely freaked, right? Yeah. 1362 01:15:47,125 --> 01:15:50,041 And now look at you. Huh? You're a regular GI Joe. 1363 01:15:50,041 --> 01:15:51,583 A fightin' man from head to toe! 1364 01:15:53,291 --> 01:15:55,959 And, Chris, you wanted infantry. 1365 01:15:55,959 --> 01:15:58,625 Well, now's your chance. Let's see what you've got. 1366 01:16:01,500 --> 01:16:05,375 And, Jack, my friend, you were a complete screw-up. 1367 01:16:05,375 --> 01:16:08,166 But now look at you. You're still a screw-up. 1368 01:16:08,166 --> 01:16:10,583 But if you did this and you survived, 1369 01:16:10,583 --> 01:16:13,250 you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids. 1370 01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:15,333 Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago, 1371 01:16:15,333 --> 01:16:18,291 we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale. 1372 01:16:18,291 --> 01:16:20,959 But this whole event has changed our lives. 1373 01:16:20,959 --> 01:16:22,333 You know who we owe it to? 1374 01:16:22,333 --> 01:16:24,500 ♪ The Army ♪ 1375 01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:25,959 This is something we gotta do! 1376 01:16:25,959 --> 01:16:27,625 Come on! Get on with it! 1377 01:16:27,625 --> 01:16:29,333 Chris, I know you're with me. 1378 01:16:30,709 --> 01:16:32,667 Yeah, boy. 1379 01:16:32,667 --> 01:16:35,542 Fred, listen, if you can't handle it, I understand, man. 1380 01:16:35,542 --> 01:16:36,667 I can handle it. 1381 01:16:37,709 --> 01:16:39,041 Jack, what do you say, man? 1382 01:16:40,667 --> 01:16:43,041 Oh, I say... I say you're crazy. 1383 01:16:43,041 --> 01:16:45,041 I think you're all nuts! 1384 01:16:45,041 --> 01:16:47,834 But you're the Private First Class. I'm the Private. 1385 01:16:47,834 --> 01:16:49,834 And I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever. 1386 01:16:51,500 --> 01:16:53,792 All right, you guys, let's do this thing. 1387 01:16:53,792 --> 01:16:55,000 Kick it, man! 1388 01:16:55,000 --> 01:16:56,125 Stern, you ready? 1389 01:16:57,834 --> 01:17:01,041 Let's go, Bones! I know, I know. 1390 01:17:01,041 --> 01:17:03,834 There's just a little bit of business I have to take care of. 1391 01:17:06,333 --> 01:17:10,041 Ah, you're gonna have to go now. 1392 01:17:10,041 --> 01:17:15,542 You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be. 1393 01:17:18,291 --> 01:17:19,375 Bye. 1394 01:17:23,375 --> 01:17:27,375 All right, troops! 1395 01:17:27,375 --> 01:17:29,375 Let's go bust some scuds! 1396 01:17:35,875 --> 01:17:37,417 ♪ Hit the street runnin' 1397 01:17:38,542 --> 01:17:40,542 ♪ Had an angle in mind 1398 01:17:41,875 --> 01:17:43,917 ♪ Lookin' for a shelter 1399 01:17:44,834 --> 01:17:47,041 ♪ Doin' double overtime 1400 01:17:48,250 --> 01:17:50,375 ♪ I get a little crazy 1401 01:17:51,125 --> 01:17:54,375 ♪ But I won't be denied 1402 01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:58,542 ♪ Gotta find the time that takes the inside outside 1403 01:18:00,917 --> 01:18:05,250 ♪ Tumblin' in a world of swirl 1404 01:18:07,208 --> 01:18:11,625 ♪ Rumblin' in a world of swirl 1405 01:18:12,375 --> 01:18:14,583 ♪ In a world of swirl 1406 01:18:22,000 --> 01:18:24,750 BONES: All right. Glendale to Burbank. Come in. 1407 01:18:24,750 --> 01:18:26,250 I wish we had cooler code names. 1408 01:18:26,250 --> 01:18:27,750 WILLIAMS: What was that, Glendale? 1409 01:18:27,750 --> 01:18:31,083 Nothing. I was just saying that these code names suck. 1410 01:18:31,083 --> 01:18:32,959 Can I call you General Sweet Pants? 1411 01:18:32,959 --> 01:18:35,291 You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale. 1412 01:18:35,291 --> 01:18:36,625 Are you in position? 1413 01:18:36,625 --> 01:18:38,125 Guy's got no sense of humor. 1414 01:18:38,125 --> 01:18:40,000 Yeah, we can see the target. 1415 01:18:40,000 --> 01:18:41,792 Have you painted it with the laser? 1416 01:18:45,166 --> 01:18:46,959 BONES: Just did. 1417 01:18:46,959 --> 01:18:50,041 Good goin', Glendale. The air strike is inbound. 1418 01:18:50,041 --> 01:18:53,208 You should acquire the target in seven minutes. 1419 01:18:53,208 --> 01:18:56,625 It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target 1420 01:18:56,625 --> 01:18:58,709 until the target is destroyed. 1421 01:18:58,709 --> 01:19:00,834 Can you hold it there for seven minutes? 1422 01:19:00,834 --> 01:19:04,709 I got it propped up here on the rock! I can hold it all day long. I'm good to go! 1423 01:19:04,709 --> 01:19:06,166 No problem, Burbank. 1424 01:19:06,792 --> 01:19:08,959 Good! Lay low. 1425 01:19:08,959 --> 01:19:11,417 And report any change in situation. 1426 01:19:11,417 --> 01:19:13,083 We'll be standing by. Out. 1427 01:19:29,834 --> 01:19:32,000 Come on! 1428 01:19:32,000 --> 01:19:33,208 Come on! 1429 01:19:38,291 --> 01:19:40,709 Tell me again about the store. 1430 01:19:40,709 --> 01:19:44,333 Ah, the store. It's gonna be great! 1431 01:19:44,333 --> 01:19:45,667 We're gonna have our own room 1432 01:19:45,667 --> 01:19:48,000 where people can get their feet massaged... 1433 01:19:48,000 --> 01:19:49,458 No! 1434 01:20:08,709 --> 01:20:09,875 BONES: Burbank! 1435 01:20:09,875 --> 01:20:12,083 Burbank, Burbank, we're under attack! 1436 01:20:12,083 --> 01:20:13,542 Hold your position, Glendale. 1437 01:20:13,542 --> 01:20:15,458 And keep that laser on the target. 1438 01:20:15,458 --> 01:20:18,041 BONES: On the target? We are the target! 1439 01:20:20,458 --> 01:20:22,375 Tell 'em to hurry up! 1440 01:20:22,375 --> 01:20:26,250 You better hurry. We've got 60 pissed off Libyans headin' towards us. 1441 01:20:26,250 --> 01:20:27,542 Stay with it! Stay with it! 1442 01:20:31,750 --> 01:20:33,542 Let's get these guys, Jack. Come on. 1443 01:20:33,542 --> 01:20:34,667 Okay. 1444 01:20:35,709 --> 01:20:37,750 We know how to do it. All right. 1445 01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,750 This is for the Glendale water boys! 1446 01:20:50,250 --> 01:20:52,083 Not bad, huh? Whoo! 1447 01:21:14,750 --> 01:21:15,917 Reload. 1448 01:21:24,458 --> 01:21:26,458 Ah! Turn it! 1449 01:21:51,291 --> 01:21:54,458 Shit! 1450 01:21:54,458 --> 01:21:56,959 They missed. BONES: Well, at least they didn't blow up my head. 1451 01:21:58,542 --> 01:22:00,834 WILLIAMS: Great going, soldiers. We knew you could do it. 1452 01:22:00,834 --> 01:22:02,667 Oh, Burbank? 1453 01:22:02,667 --> 01:22:06,250 I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad! 1454 01:22:06,250 --> 01:22:07,834 Yeah, well, don't pop the cork yet. 1455 01:22:07,834 --> 01:22:09,291 The bombs missed. 1456 01:22:09,291 --> 01:22:10,750 The base wasn't hit. 1457 01:22:10,750 --> 01:22:13,417 You better send another air strike here and send it fast! 1458 01:22:13,417 --> 01:22:14,834 Wait one. 1459 01:22:22,333 --> 01:22:24,000 Glendale? 1460 01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:27,458 The back-up strike of F-111s is being diverted to your target. 1461 01:22:27,458 --> 01:22:31,333 E.T.A. three minutes. Three minutes? What, are you crazy? 1462 01:22:31,333 --> 01:22:32,333 We don't have three minutes. 1463 01:22:32,333 --> 01:22:34,834 In three minutes, we're gonna be shish kebabs! 1464 01:22:34,834 --> 01:22:37,333 We're under serious attack! 1465 01:22:37,333 --> 01:22:39,000 You'll have to hold them. 1466 01:22:51,542 --> 01:22:54,917 Oh, shit! Oh, my God. 1467 01:22:54,917 --> 01:22:56,709 You better get the planes here sooner. 1468 01:22:56,709 --> 01:22:58,583 The scuds are ready to fire. 1469 01:22:58,583 --> 01:23:00,750 Two minutes and 30 seconds. 1470 01:23:03,709 --> 01:23:06,375 Hey. Hey! Where's he goin'? 1471 01:23:13,500 --> 01:23:16,375 Hey! Hey! 1472 01:23:20,709 --> 01:23:24,542 All right, my man! 1473 01:23:24,542 --> 01:23:27,375 You stay right here. I gotta go. 1474 01:23:37,583 --> 01:23:39,917 BONES: Hey, guys, move over! Move over! 1475 01:23:42,500 --> 01:23:45,250 "Cock firing mechanism." 1476 01:23:45,250 --> 01:23:48,959 WILLIAMS: Report the situation. Shut up. 1477 01:24:01,750 --> 01:24:05,041 "Aim, set range if known or estimate?" 1478 01:24:05,041 --> 01:24:07,792 Who came up with these directions? I don't know. 1479 01:24:07,792 --> 01:24:09,125 Tell me to shut up one more time 1480 01:24:09,125 --> 01:24:12,333 and I'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a putting iron! 1481 01:24:12,333 --> 01:24:14,458 Shut up. I'm not good with directions. 1482 01:24:16,125 --> 01:24:19,417 "Push safety and hold down." 1483 01:24:19,417 --> 01:24:21,000 Okay, now, everybody back! 1484 01:24:21,834 --> 01:24:23,792 "Fire by pushing trigger." 1485 01:24:28,959 --> 01:24:31,625 Suck on this a-one time! 1486 01:24:37,625 --> 01:24:39,750 Oh. Sorry. 1487 01:24:44,917 --> 01:24:46,625 Last chance, my friend. 1488 01:25:12,500 --> 01:25:14,333 Yeah! Yeah! 1489 01:25:14,333 --> 01:25:15,834 Whoo! 1490 01:25:20,667 --> 01:25:21,959 Oh, man! 1491 01:25:23,375 --> 01:25:24,875 ALL: Oh! 1492 01:25:24,875 --> 01:25:27,792 BONES: Guys, at my signal, everybody scream like crazy. 1493 01:25:27,792 --> 01:25:31,250 Make 'em think we've got 50 guys up here, okay? Uh-huh. Okay. 1494 01:25:31,250 --> 01:25:33,709 One and go! 1495 01:25:48,291 --> 01:25:49,709 We scared 'em! 1496 01:25:59,250 --> 01:26:02,041 Yeah, don't mess with the Glendale Reservists! 1497 01:26:03,542 --> 01:26:04,709 FRED: Behind you! 1498 01:26:04,709 --> 01:26:07,208 Two weeks a year, one weekend a month. 1499 01:26:07,208 --> 01:26:08,834 We're the few! 1500 01:26:08,834 --> 01:26:11,208 We're the proud! 1501 01:26:11,208 --> 01:26:15,458 We're the water boys! 1502 01:26:15,458 --> 01:26:18,041 FRED: Bones, duck! CHRISTINE: Get down! 1503 01:27:07,959 --> 01:27:10,458 Yeah, hey. All right, Stern. 1504 01:27:10,458 --> 01:27:11,583 Thanks. 1505 01:27:11,583 --> 01:27:13,667 Not bad for a bunch of water boys, huh? 1506 01:27:13,667 --> 01:27:17,125 No! Soldiers! I'm proud of you guys. 1507 01:27:17,792 --> 01:27:19,792 WILLIAMS: Glendale! 1508 01:27:26,834 --> 01:27:30,166 You oughta be damn pleased with yourselves! 1509 01:27:30,166 --> 01:27:33,041 Congratulations. You did an outstanding job. 1510 01:27:33,041 --> 01:27:34,583 It wasn't a job, First Sergeant. 1511 01:27:35,166 --> 01:27:36,667 It was an adventure. 1512 01:27:56,750 --> 01:27:58,291 Hey! Hey! 1513 01:28:04,375 --> 01:28:07,125 Oh. 1514 01:28:08,750 --> 01:28:12,500 You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bones. What? 1515 01:28:12,500 --> 01:28:15,166 ♪ Bang, and here we go 1516 01:28:15,166 --> 01:28:18,041 ♪ Watch the road Don't drive so slow 1517 01:28:18,041 --> 01:28:20,875 ♪ It takes so long And it's so hard 1518 01:28:20,875 --> 01:28:24,750 ♪ There's a billion bones in my backyard 1519 01:28:24,750 --> 01:28:29,709 ♪ I get excited I get so impatient 1520 01:28:29,709 --> 01:28:32,375 ♪ It takes too long to get back home 1521 01:28:32,375 --> 01:28:37,458 ♪ But you and I, do or die And we've only just begun 1522 01:28:37,458 --> 01:28:40,083 ♪ And I feel like havin' fun 1523 01:28:42,000 --> 01:28:44,875 Have a good day. If you need anything come see us. 1524 01:28:44,875 --> 01:28:47,917 Look at that hair! Oh, hey! 1525 01:28:47,917 --> 01:28:49,750 How you doin'? Real well. 1526 01:28:49,750 --> 01:28:51,667 Jack and Bones, huh? Yeah. 1527 01:28:51,667 --> 01:28:53,375 You fellas gonna be all you can be? 1528 01:28:54,291 --> 01:28:56,041 It's a win-win situation? 1529 01:29:05,458 --> 01:29:08,041 Oh, this is crazy, man! No, it's brilliant! 1530 01:29:08,041 --> 01:29:09,583 It's just two weeks a year, man. 1531 01:29:09,583 --> 01:29:11,542 One weekend a month. 1532 01:29:11,542 --> 01:29:13,291 That can't be right. I swear! 1533 01:29:14,041 --> 01:29:15,083 Trust me. 1534 01:29:23,083 --> 01:29:25,750 ♪ It costs too much 1535 01:29:25,750 --> 01:29:27,583 ♪ And I talk too much 1536 01:29:28,917 --> 01:29:31,250 ♪ It takes so long 1537 01:29:31,250 --> 01:29:33,709 ♪ And it goes so fast 1538 01:29:35,250 --> 01:29:39,917 ♪ I can't think too straight 1539 01:29:41,917 --> 01:29:44,959 ♪ Oh, oh, oh 1540 01:29:44,959 --> 01:29:47,917 ♪ And we've only just begun 1541 01:29:47,917 --> 01:29:50,792 ♪ And I feel like havin' fun 1542 01:29:50,792 --> 01:29:53,458 ♪ And I swear I'll be all right 1543 01:29:53,458 --> 01:29:55,834 ♪ Until the next one 1544 01:29:55,834 --> 01:29:59,333 ♪ And we've only just begun 1545 01:29:59,333 --> 01:30:02,291 ♪ And I feel like havin' fun 1546 01:30:02,291 --> 01:30:05,125 ♪ But I swear I'll be all right 1547 01:30:05,125 --> 01:30:07,166 ♪ Until the next one 1548 01:30:08,125 --> 01:30:11,125 ♪ And I start off feeling swell 1549 01:30:11,125 --> 01:30:14,125 ♪ Pretty soon I'll turn to well 1550 01:30:14,125 --> 01:30:16,792 ♪ But I swear I'll be all right 1551 01:30:16,792 --> 01:30:18,667 ♪ Until the next one 1552 01:30:19,834 --> 01:30:22,625 ♪ And I start off doing fine 1553 01:30:22,625 --> 01:30:25,667 ♪ Pretty soon I'll keep in time 1554 01:30:25,667 --> 01:30:28,333 ♪ But I swear I'll be all right 1555 01:30:28,333 --> 01:30:31,375 ♪ Until the next time 1556 01:30:31,375 --> 01:30:34,333 ♪ And I start off doing fine 1557 01:30:34,333 --> 01:30:37,166 ♪ Pretty soon I'll keep in time 1558 01:30:37,166 --> 01:30:39,834 ♪ But I swear I'll be all right 1559 01:30:39,834 --> 01:30:42,667 ♪ Until the next time 1560 01:30:42,667 --> 01:30:45,709 ♪ Until the next time 1561 01:30:45,709 --> 01:30:48,333 ♪ Until the next time 1562 01:30:48,333 --> 01:30:51,667 ♪ Until the next time 1563 01:30:51,667 --> 01:30:53,500 ♪ Until the next time ♪ 1564 01:30:53,500 --> 01:30:57,291 What should we do? Water purification sounds good to me, man.